mel's blog

2009-03-04T03:04:00.000-08:00

HEY EVERYONE.
i guess im gonna be using LJ more now.
so i'll update there instead of here
cos i can use LJ on my phone and not blogger.

you guys can continue to tag here.
i still check almost everyday.
and i will reply your tags. (:

http://melloke.livejournal.com

lots of love,
mel. (:

2009-02-22T00:03:00.000-08:00

Coz I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
'Cause I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control
Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
I never
I never
I never
I never

MR. BRIGHTSIDE by THE KILLERS.

IM FEELING PRETTY HIGH TODAY.
THOUGH IM STILL FEELING SICK AND ALL THAT.
MY HEAD IS STILL SPINNING!
I FEEL GIDDY HALF THE TIME.
BUT TEH TARIK IS MAKING ME HIGH.
WTF.
IM SO FREAKING SIAN OF THE WEEKENDS.
I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL.
I WANNA BECOME A MUGGER.
I WANNA STUDY HARD.
I WANNA BE SMART.
I WANNA DO WELL.
I WANNA BE HAPPY.
I WANNA BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
I DONT WANNA HAVE MY HEART BROKEN.
I WANNA SMILE ALL THE TIME.
I DONT WANNA BE CRAZY ANYMORE.
I WANNA WORK HARD.
I WANNA CUT DOWN ON BOOZE.
I WANNA BE A NORMAL HARDWORKING SCHOOLGIRL.
I WANNA DO ALL MY HOMEWORK.
I WANNA BE A GOOD GIRL.
I WANNA BE A NICE PERSON.
BUT I DONT THINK I CAN REMEMBER ALL THESE AFTER 10MINS.
AND THIS IS SO BORING!
IM HOOKED ONTO A SONG I CANT SING!
I WANNA GO OUT TO PLAY.
BUT IM TOO SICK!
I WANNA GO SCHOOL TOMORROW!
IM SO BORED AT HOME.
IM SO SICK OF LYING ON MY BED.
I WANT MY HEAD TO STOP SPINNING.
I WANNA GET WELL SOON.
I WANNA STOP BEING HIGH.
THIS IS THE 201TH POST MAN.
WOOHOO!
WAS FEELING SO FUCKED UP THIS MORNING LUH.
NOW SO HIGH.
I THINK I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE ALREADY.
SHITTTT!

ANYWAY,

HI KENDRA!
DONT WORRY IM FINE.
SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TOMORROW!

HI LORRAINE!
I LIKE TIMES NEW ROMAN!
WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE FONT!

HI LIDIA!
I WAS SICK YESTERDAY LUH.
COULDNT GO OUT.
DAMN SAD.
WE GOTTA HANG OUT SOON MAN!
MISS YOU LOADS!

TOODLES! <3

2009-02-22T00:00:00.003-08:00

THIS SUCKS. AND I MIGHT CHANGE TO LJ SOON.

2009-02-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

Slow things down or speed them up

This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Can I be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything
So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagine
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
Tearin' out my heart
I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings disappear
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagine
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

MEMORY by SUGARCULT.

i adore this song man.
and i love jamming! =D

today has been a really dead day.
woke up feeling damn tired.
then during piano lesson also very tired.

halfway throughout lesson,
felt damn giddy.
after lesson,
went to lie down.
damn sian today.
cant believe im falling sick! ):

shit man.
my head damn freaking pain luh.
and i dont know why im blogging in a situation like this....
dont ask me why luh.

and i cant stand it anymore.
stupid head of mine.
im gonna stop blogging soon.

i apologise to the one whose birthday is today.
sorry i couldnt celebrate with you. ):

toodles!

anw,
HELLO TO:
MELVIN
JUN HUI
GERMAINE
CHENG HOWE
LIDIA! (blog finally updated.)

whats your favourite font?

2009-02-14T05:08:00.000-08:00

I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by
I'll need a little more help than a little bit
Like a perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by this time

What a shame we all became such fragile, broken things
A memory remains just a tiny spark
I give it all my oxygen
So let the flames begin
So let the flames begin
Oh, glory
Oh, glory
This is how we'll dance when
When they try to take us down
This is what will be our glory
Somewhere weakness is our strength
And I'll die searching for it
I can't let myself regret such selfishness
My pain and all the trouble caused
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all and
Hiding beneath it all, and
Growing beneath it all, and...
This is how we'll dance when
When they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing it
This is how we'll stand when
When they burn our houses down
This is what will be our glory
Reaching as I sink down into light
Reaching as I sink down into light
This is how we dance when
When they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing it
This is how we'll stand when
When they burn our houses down
This is what will be oh glory

LET THE FLAMES BEGIN by PARAMORE.

today was an interesting day man.
i awoke feeling damn sian.
so i went for early shower.
had piano lesson.
was feeling abit sian during piano,
cos i was so tired and i couldnt wait to go funfair.
so after piano lesson,
dressed up to go out.
took me 5mins only!
first time so fast man.
then i went to cedar fiesta.
did crazy things there.
(check fb photos later.)
then had dinner at country club.

OMG. I MISS CEDAR.

2009-02-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

And will you tell all your friends,
You've got your gun to my head.
This all was only wishful thinkin',
This all was only wishful thinkin'.

Maybe we, why don't we sit right here for half an hour?
we'll speak of what a waste I am and how we missed your beat again.
I swear we need to find some comfort in this run down place.
to bridge the gap of this concious state that we live in.
I'm short on time.
how come you try and fit the shape of what they tell you.
but mostly what they show you.
I'm taking back all the things I said.
keep me filled in, I swear I'll come.
we walk alone, back home.
you're almost gone and I'm okay to give you time to be afraid.
I still see your shadow but never your face again.
I remember your presence.
I hope to God you come down.
I hope to God you feel this now.
I know there must be some way out of here and all of them will be
waiting there.

WRITING ON WALLS by UNDEROATH.

blasting from my iPod today is
(1) Underoath.
(2) Hawthorne Heights.
(3) Lamb Of God.
(4) Silverstein.
(5) Alesana.

for those who know these bands,
you should know how i'm feeling today.
for those who don't,
go fucking listen to these bands.
they are awesome.

anyway,
i realised i haven't really blogged for the past few days.
it's cos' i'm so freaking tired by the time i get home.
rawrr!
by the time i reach home,
i'll be like so fking tired even though it might not be 5 yet?

as you can see,
i decided to post lyrics again.
it was just stuck in my head when i was on my way home.
was thinking too much as usual.

and ian,
you're damn right.
you can like totally predict my emo moments already!
and thanks for being able to tune in to the MEL EMO MOMENT.

rawrr.
thinking too much is bad. ):

2009-02-08T03:25:00.000-08:00

today's a brighter day.
tho a couple of people refuse to reply my texts.
why are people so busy these few days! ):
hmph.

i realise,
that im very sensitive to songs.
like,
every songs carries a memory with it.
maybe sensitive is the wrong word.
but whos give a duck about it.
well,
i kinda feel i know like DAMN ALOT of people with names starting with J.
and each of them has a song attached with them.

faber drive.- tongue tied.
a certain J person i think about once in awhile.
and i always scold myself silly for thinking about you.

polygraph, right now.- the spill canvas.
another J person.
i miss talking to this person.
i miss hanging out with this person.
the one who introduced me to this song.
you're always in my heart....

durch den monsun.- tokio hotel.
this J person.
i was very brave around this person.
and i guess i kinda turned you off.
i probably had this 'scary' image.
rawrr.

baby, its fact.- hellogoodbye.
this song....
sighh....
i dont hate this particular J person.
but well,
you're the craziest person i've ever known.
and you should GET A LIFE.

get back.- demi lovato.
this J person got me thinking alot.
i was always asking myself if i liked this person.
its so long ago....
but well,
YOU HURT ME.
you led me on.
and you know who you are.

yeah.
this wasnt supposed to be an emo post.
and today wasnt supposed to be an emo day.

reuben, where are you when i need you? ):

and yongyuan! thanks for noticing my tagboard is dead. (: erm, i'll link you!

2009-02-07T01:01:00.001-08:00

this blog is nearing its 200th post!
erm, wow.
heh,
my uniform looks weird on me.
but well,
at least i already consider myself an ajcian.
and the PE shirt looks cool,
but i still look weird in it.
heh,
well.
i decided....
if i dont wanna be emo,
i shouldnt think too much.
but then again....

rawrr.
stupid soccer.
i couldnt get into soccer man.
so sian luh.
why cant girls play soccer!
why cant there be a girls soccer team!
RAWRR.

Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care
Maybe I could meet you there

2009-02-04T03:12:00.000-08:00

today was still quite boring....
but well,
SOCCER.
thats what i want.
yay. (:

anw,
RYAN!
when did i not call you ryan?
and ELLE,
i adore this song.
listened over and over again man!

wish i could see you again....

2009-02-03T03:08:00.000-08:00

i dont feel like putting any song lyrics today.
because im feeling rather feelingless.
i dont know.
i kinda dont like my school.
no sense of belonging and all that.
sick and tired of lectures.
most people say its boring.
but im trying to keep optimistic.
i want to feel optimistic.
but well.
got a phone call today.
well, claud, you know what its about.
and i dont know man.
i dont know what im feeling.
anyway,
i've got some stuff i wanna say to some friends of mine.
by no order of importance. (apart from best friend, of course.)

REUBEN-
thanks for being the bestest friend ever.
its like, you're now a part of me already.
i really appreciate you and adore you as a best friend.
cant imagine one day if you arent my friend anymore,
i'll be so sad!
never give up alright!
i'll be here for you. (:

IAN-
thanks for always being my listening ear.
as well as always calling me when im down to make me laugh and less emo.
immuned to my emo-ness already eh?
well, hope you stay happy always too!
im sorry i didnt make you feel much better when you were down.
but i promise i'll try my best to keep you happy when you're down the next time!
hopefully no next time tho. (:

LIDIA-
my best girlfriend!
i really enjoy shopping with you and all.
and i seriously miss hanging out with you!
too bad you study so far lorh.
study nyp still can meet up leh.
but well,
we'll try find time to hang out soon kay! (:

LYDIA-
hey bestie. i never forgot you!
i really miss us hanging out man.
your school's so far from mine....
SIGH.
its okay.
we'll meet up soon!
LOVE YOU LOADS. (:

STACEY-
hey girl.
havent seen you in ages.
wonder how you're doing.
hope you're having fun.
and LAST LONG! (:

KEWEI & ASHLEY-
you two are great guys man!
its a really great thing to know you too!
hope you're having fun in tp and cjc! (:

JONATHAN-
if you're reading this,
let me tell you this.
you're really one of the nicest people i know okay!
as in, when you're serious and not laughing about and stuff.
yeah.
hope you'll enjoy it in your school and hope to meet up again soon!
i like hanging out with you man! (:

RYAN-
you're funny and its so fun to tease you!
especially calling you mr H.
and it does NOT stand for huang okay.
study hard.
and please allow my 'cute' score to increase after i teach you maths. (:

CLAUDIA-
maybe you wont read this too!
but well,
im so glad to have you with me in ajc.
if not i'll be like, so damn bored luh.
take care kay!
and well,
about the other thing (something to do with phone call.)
lets resign to fate and just enjoy our next two years to the max! (:

well, thats all for now.
maybe if i have the mood,
i'll post another one soon.
gee,
cant wait for orientation.

2009-01-30T02:53:00.000-08:00

And I just can't get over you
Since you've been gone
I fall apart
I knew you'd leave me from the very start
Tell me again just what you want from me
It's separation anxiety

Bright cold silver moon
Tonight alone in my room
You were here just yesterday
Slight turn of a head
Eyes down when you said
I guess I need my life to change
Seems like some thing's just aren't the same
What could I say?
I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get my by
I'll need a little more help than a little bit
Like a perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by this time
I'm staring up at the stars
I wonder just where you are
You feel a million miles away
Was it something I said?
Or something I never did
Or was I always in the way
Could someone tell me what to say
To just make you stay
I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get my by
I'll need a little more help than a little bit
Like a perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't wanna be here again
And we could help each other off the ground
So we never fall down again
And what it takes, I don't care
We're gonna make it, I swear
And we could help each other off the ground
So we never fall down again, again
I'll need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz everytime I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get my by
I'll need a little more help than a little bit
Like a perfect one word no one's heard yet
Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by this time
I know it feels like the end
Don't wanna be here again
And we could help each other off the ground
So we never fall down again
And what it takes, I don't care
We're gonna make it, I swear
And we could help each other off the ground
So we never fall down again

TONGUE TIED by FABER DRIVE.

6AM.

i woke up.
awoken by an sms.

FUCKING TEXT.

so i peeped at my phone.
wondering if it was reuben,
cos no one else texts me so early luh.

nope.

it was MOE.
wow.

so i read on.
oh! my name!
what the fuck.

then i saw the school i was posted to.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

all that was in my mind was that.
FTW.

and so i walked out to tell mummy the news.
cos she was gonna send my sister to school.

not much reaction.

went back to sleep.

couldnt fall asleep.
OMFG.

then i went to text reuben.
my head was like freaking pain.
was damn tired luh.

7 AM.

somehow managed to fall asleep.

8 AM.

woken up by my daddy.
who wanted to have a chat with me.

so while washing up and all that,
i hurriedly replied jon's text,
and received a phone call from lidia so chatted for awhile.

then i ran downstairs.
scared get scolded luh.

then my daddy was asking me why i like VJC so much.
and he hinted something about going there cos of a guy.
and i said, "NO. of course not."

seriously man, if i went to a school because of a guy,
that is 500% dumb.
and im not that dumb.

then he continued saying
"is there some senior you wanna get close to?"
and i said,
"erm. no?"

and duh,
he was talking about my best friend.
what the fuck.
omg.

10 AM.

finally finished talk.
and my daddy still thinks im in love with reuben or something.

and he keep asking if reuben is chasing me or something,
and was like telling me dont get attached in JC.

okayokay.
i kept nodding my head.
usual.
i heard all these like a million times already.

after that, i ironed clothes.
and my daddy still hasnt noticed the brown hair! xD

now im like so sleepy.

and i've lost all my appetite.
feeling so pissed.

thank god,
ian's talking to me right now and helping me to keep sane.

anyway,

REUBEN- i look at my ass in the mirror. try that too! look at your ass in the mirror! xD

COLIN- its not fake! i was just feeling emo that day.

Baby, I'm so into you
You've got that something, what can I do?
Baby, you spin me around, oh
The earth is movin, but I can't feel the ground
Every time you look at me
My heart is jumpin', it's easy to see
Lovin' you means so much more
More than anything I ever felt before

do i even have a heart now?
i only know im waiting for you.
i wanna see you again.
ahh, fuck. ._.
what am i thinking....

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not gettin' me very far
I look around my room and everything
I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my handwe've got nothing left to prove
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

damn regret.
i'll try to forget....

2009-01-29T05:10:00.000-08:00

You got me falling, through noticing, the little things you do
Putting a hold right over me
Funny as it seems, you make me dream
Doing the little things, those little things you do

Fade in, start the scene.
Enter beautiful girl.
But things are not what they seem,
As we stand at the edge of the world.
"Excuse me sir, but I had plans to die tonight.
Oh, and you are directly in my way.
And I bet you’re gonna say it’s not right."
My reply,
"Excuse me miss,
But do you have the slightest clue,
Of exactly what you just said to me,
And exactly who you’re talking to?"
She said, "I don’t care you don’t even know me."
I said, "I know but I’d like to change that soon hopefully.
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets."
"You make it sound so easy to be alive.
Tell me how am I supposed to seize this day,
When everything inside of me has died?"
My reply,
"Trust me girl.
I know your legs are pleading to leap,
But I offer you this easy choice.
Instead of dying living with me."
She said, "Are you crazy? You don’t even know me."
I said, "I know but I’d like to change that soon hopefully.
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets.
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough,
And all this cliché motivation it could never be enough.
I could stand here all night trying to convince you,
But what good would that do?
My offer stands and you must choose."
"Alright you win but I only give you one night,
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight.
I swear to God if you hurt me I will leap.
I will toss myself from these very cliffs,
And you'll never see it coming."
"Settle precious, I know what you're going through.
Because ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too.
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion,
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion.
See the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it.
No matter how unbearable this misery gets."

SELF CONCLUSION by THE SPILL CANVAS.

im back to crazy cam whoring again.
and i've got this craze with taking emo photos.
got so many photos now.
everyday uploading on facebook.
what the heck.

here's the link:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=779949777&ref=profile

and today was fun!
went lidia's house in the morning.
and was attempting to put fake lashes.
BUT I WAS SUCH A LOSER AND SUCH A FAILURE.

and i swear xiaxue made it look so easy.
but i suck at it!
rawrr.

okay, then we kinda got bored at her house.
so we went over to city plaza.
and i didnt know theres direct bus from my house busstop to there!

the place is often called sleazy and ulu and whatever.
but well,
i found it okay luh.
not that scary.
and definitely not as frightening as peninsular.

after that, went tampines mall.
walk around.
then met JONATHAN.
haha, like kinda missed hanging out with him also luh.
last time i saw him was two days before my birthday.
okay, its quite long ago luh.

and i almost got away with his handphone and wallet in my bag! xD
HAHAHAHA. but he kinda "robbed" me.

anyway,
watched love matters.
the jack neo show.
wah, damn cool luh.
by the time movie ended was quite late.
so cool man!
i like staying out late.
but it wasnt that late luh.
about 7 plus?

and by the time i reached home was 8plus.
too tired to do anything.
but since im bored,
i came online to blog.

my eyes are like damn pain today.
fuck.

and fuck my stupid handphone bill.
i dont even call people using my handphone,
and they fucking said i exceed by an hour.
they should check their motherfucking system!
obviously got some error there
and those bastards didnt see carefully.
damn ass.

and heres a random zi lian photo.

look damn emo right?
took this photo yesterday.

thanks ian, for being understanding and listening.
its good that you're now immune to my emo-ing.
and thanks for always being there. (:
and sorry yunming, for being so fucking vulgar when i replied your texts. \=

and heres a photo of my hair!

hope i dont look ah lian luh.

i actually wanted purple! or light brown! sheesh!

Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard

You hold me right here right now

i've made a self conclusion.
you're a bastard.
get a fucking life.
get out of my life.

2009-01-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

Oh baby, baby
The reason I breathe is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh pretty, baby
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it
Show me, how you want it to be
Tell me baby
'Cause I need to know now,
oh because
My loneliness is killing me
I must confess, I still believe
When I'm not with you, I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

I'm rackin my brain
trying to comprehend
how, for some unknown reason,
our status will remain as friends
I'm destroying my mind
trying to understand how with little to no effort
you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands
There was not a single spark
when my lips landed on yours in the dark,
but regardless of what happens next
you're my beloved, you just don't know it yet
Tonight I made a secret oath
to keep chasing after you
and I am not going to stop
whether you like it or not
We're murdering our lives
trying to make it work,
but you and I both know that we are a lost cause
and nothing more than specks on this Earth
There was not a single spark
when my lips landed on yours in the dark,
but regardless of what happens next
you're my beloved, you just don't know it yet
Tonight I made a secret oath
to keep chasing after you
and I am not going to stop
whether you like it or not
Tonight I made a secret oath
to keep chasing after you
and I am not going to stop
whether you like it or not
Yeah I know you listen to this all alone up in your room
I know you love how all this music's about you

SECRET OATH by THE SPILL CANVAS.

okay,
im updating my blog cos my darling bestfriend asked me to!
SMILE REUBEN!

and so,
i shall tell you about bimbo's day out.

actually,
'bimbo' is the wrong word uh?
cos im not pretty and i happen to have a brain!

OMG.
okay.
so whats the anonym of bimbo?

smart ass?
'cos smart is opposite of no brain and an ass is ugly?
and my ass is ugly too.
WTF.

but smart ass is too nice a term for me.

okay fuck.
what am i talking about.

anyway, let me tell you about MEL's girly outing today.

woke up early to wash up, make up, comb hair (did i even comb?), change clothes
and alot of other shit.
i took like an hour to get ready.

and i so aunty today can!
carry this stupid black prada handbag and wore black charles and keith shoes.
erm, my mummy's shoes.
HAHA.
yeah.
when i went up the bus and my ezlink didnt work,
the bus driver thought i was like 20?
bloody fuck.
i where got so old sia.

then i met princess lidia at orchard station.
okay luh, dont suan you already.

and we went far east walk around.
the most fun part was the eyelashes!
we spent damn long in that shop man.

I NEED TO BUY AN EYELASH CURLER.
omg.

anyway, after that we went to walk around wisma and taka.
and then went kbox.

the best part of the day was my imitation of "fei yu qing" in jay chou's "qian li zi wai"
and damn,
the recording is with lidia.
she better not post on the net man!
damn paiseh sia.
but i imitate until so shuang lo.
just that i kept laughing.

TIME TO GET DESPO.
ANYBODY GOT GUYS TO INTRO?
what the fuck.
i was just kidding luh.
so fucking retarded.
as if i need people to intro guys.
im already in love with my bolster.
so despo guys should fuck off.

i've changed.
im not the mel i used to be.
i dont know why.
i just feel i've changed.
maybe im still mel.
i am still mel afterall.
but theres something in me thats different.
can anyone tell?

Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
Oh pretty baby
I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess, that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

all i need is someone to love,
and someone to love me back.

2009-01-25T04:51:00.000-08:00

Where'd you go,
I miss you so....

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you (hardly know you)
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right (isn't right)
And I've got someone waiting too
What if this is just the beginning?
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Isn't this the best part of waking up?
Finding someone else you can't get enough of,
Someone who wants to be with you too
It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful?
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
Outta this that we can't control
Baby I'm dyin'
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Whenever i think about you

WHY CAN'T I by LIZ PHAIR.

IF A GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU,

NOTHING WILL MAKE HIM STAY.

IF A GUY LIKES YOU,

NOTHING WILL KEEP HIM AWAY.

Maybe I'm wrong, you decide.

Not a day pass me by
When I don't think about you.

2009-01-23T03:51:00.000-08:00

You, you don't really want to stay, no
You, but you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

Maybe I'm wrong, you decide
Should've been strong, yeah I lied
Nobody gets me like you
Couldn't keep hold of you then
How could I know what you meant
There was nothin' to compare to
There's a mountain between us
But there's one thing I'm sure of
That I know how I feel about you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I've let you down
But I know how I feel about you now
I'll bet it takes one more chance
Don't let our last kiss be our last
I'm outta my mind just to show you
I know everything changes
I don't care where it takes us
'Cause I know how I feel about you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I've let you down
But I know how I feel about you now
Not a day passed me by
Not a day passed me by
When I don't think about you
And there's no movin' on
'Cause I know you're the one
And I can't be without you
Can we bring yesterday back around
'Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I've let you down (I've let you down)
But I know how I feel about you now
Can we bring yesterday back around
'Cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong, I've let you down (let you down)
But I know how I feel about you now
But I know how I feel about you now
Yeah I know how I feel about you now

ABOUT YOU NOW by MIRANDA COSGROVE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyFtotnL-gk

yeah, i know how i feel about you now.

what the heck.
i feel so emo.
i cant cry,
i cant scream,
i cant hit myself.
SHIT.
i shouldnt emo luh.
i dont know whats wrong with me luh.
my eyes hurt.
my heart is heavy.
my mind is full of thoughts.
im thinking crazy things.
i wanna stop feeling like this.
i need answers.
i wanna know everything.
i wanna know what you think.
i wanna know what you feel.
i dont wanna drag things.
i dont wanna force things.
i dont know what i want now.
im confused.
who are my true friends?
who are the ones who can understand how i feel?
who are the ones who bother to try make me happy when im down?
who are the ones who will lend me a shoulder to cry on?
who are the ones who will appreciate me for who i am?
who are the ones who will give me advice and listen to me when im spilling my troubles?
i need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
and i want someone to love and someone who loves me back,
but does that person know whats going on in my head?
we'll be friends for now, wont we?
i dont wanna rush into anything.
i dont wanna ruin the friendship we have now.
and i hope you're not mindgaming me.
that sucks.
i dont wanna be played.
i dont wanna be a fool again.
or maybe i already am?

and thanks REUBEN,
my dearest bestfriend,
for talking to me,
for being here for me,
for assuring you'll be there for me,
for making me smile,
for keeping me sane,
for understanding how i feel,
for helping me pray i'll get into VJ,
for being an awesome friend even though im quite a loser,
for cheering me up when im emo,
and for being my best friend!
i know this sounds mushy.
but yeah, i love you as a best friend kay!

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

my favourite lyrics from OHIO IS FOR LOVERS by HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS:
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)
So I can fall asleep tonight or die
Spare me just three last words
i love you is all she heard
I'll wait for you but i cant wait forever

yes, i'll wait for you but i cant wait forever.
i hope i dont sound obsessive or possesive to you.

2009-01-22T05:15:00.000-08:00

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

another cigarette and i'm so bored
your words are making sense
i was taken, but you were waiting
one more drink and i'm convinced
not one more sound
let your hair down
take the low road
no one will know
whoa, i feel just like we're taking control
of the night, of the night yeah yeah
whoa, i feel just like we're losing control
but if you let go, i'll let go tonight
another minute lived, if you take me
i'll take what you will give
i was late and she kept waiting
but i hope she knows where i've been
not one more sound
let your hair down
take the low road
no one will know
whoa, i feel just like we're taking control
of the night, of the night yeah yeah
whoa, i feel just like we're losing control
but if you let go, i'll let go tonight
i'm coming down
bring me up take it off
let's just touch
whoa, i feel just like we're taking control
of the night, of the night yeah yeah
whoa, i feel just like we're losing control
but if you let go, i'll let go tonight

CONTROL by METRO STATION.

i didnt blog about the past two days.
well, here goes!

WEDNESDAY.

woke up early to meet junhao at junction 8.
but we ended up going to library.
and i went to read this book on dreams.
dreaming of myself dying = long life.
cool right!
im gonna live longlong! =D
and he was reading chinese book again.

then met xiuping and lidia at city hall.
and we had a great time.
xiuping the babe and lidia with the pretty face!
and you're not changi okay!

after that i travelled to pasir ris to meet myron.
he treated me lunch at swensons,
and it was insane cos he was watching me eat.
he said he was on diet luh.
so he drank water while i ate baked curry rice.
then he was like,
"this is your birthday treat okay. now i dont owe you anthing.
and when exactly is your birthday uh?"
WHAT THE HECK.
heart damn pain sia.
he dont even know my birthday.
sheesh.

then my legs started to hurt.
and i had to put plasters on both feet to prevent blisters.
looked quite ugly!

after that,
met weeb at tampines mall.
then we went kfc to eat and talk.
heh, eat again luh.
getting fat. ):
then after that,
had to meet my daddy at ikea.
was sure of how to go, so weeb showed me.
and that silly boy ended up going home quite late,
and i felt quite paiseh.

when i reached home,
my mummy called me EMO.
cos of my eyeliner.
what the heck!
and i had dinner.
a super big bowl of beehoon!
so nice.

and yeah,
eat again luh.
so fat so fat!

aiyah,
past few days quite siao luh.

SAVE ME, REUBEN.
IM GOING CRAZY! ):
help keep me sane!

sometimes i wonder where my true friends are....

My love is true,
It's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too.
It's a simple as that.

are you tired from running through my mind almost every second?

2009-01-20T05:08:00.000-08:00

You'll always be my baby.

Oh, yeah
Hush, just stop
There’s nothing you can do or say, baby
I’ve had enough
I’m not your property as from today, baby
You might think that I won't make it on my own
But now I’m...
Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more
I, I’m stronger
Than I ever thought that I could be, baby
I used to go with the flow
Didn’t really care ‘bout me
You might think that I can’t take it, but you’re wrong
‘Cause now I’m...
Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more
I, I’m stronger
Come on, now
Oh, yeah
Here I go, on my own
I don’t need nobody, better off alone
Here I go, on my own now
I don’t need nobody, not anybody
Here I go (Here I go...)
Alright (Alright...)
(Here I go...)
Here I go
Stronger than yesterday
It’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more
I, I’m stronger!
Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more
Now I'm stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but my way
My lonliness ain’t killing me no more (No more)
I, I’m stronger

STRONGER by BRITNEY SPEARS.

im stronger now.

stronger than yesterday.

okay, so random!

but yeah,

i am stronger.

im not gonna get bullied,

im not gonna fall prey to those stupid mindgames of yours.

i'll be strong. (:

anyway, that was random.

but i did hear this song at heartland mall today.

got hooked onto it.

SHEESH.

but well,

i got nice pedicure.

go to my facebook and see.

i uploaded quite a few photos.

including those at lidia's house with her dog!

CUTEEEE!

and i just realised lidia and i are gonna be hanging out 3 days in a row for this week.

thats nice.

i like hanging out with my girlfriend! (:

tomorrow is cool day!

i got 4 dates! xD

not the real dating kinda dates luh.

i not so flirtatious.

really look forward to it.

wonder what lidia's gonna wear!

bet she'll look prettier than me,

like DUH.

she always does. (:

well,

im looking forward free icecream too!

that crazy myron dont even know whens my birthday luh.

YAY.

i'll make him buy me the super ex one!

nah, just kidding.

alrighty!

i need beauty sleep.

hope i look not so ugly tomorrow!

toodles!

It's hard to believe, that i couldn't see,

That you were always right beside me.

where are you now?

2009-01-19T04:27:00.000-08:00

Everyone's a let downIt just depends on how far down they can go
In every circle of friends there's a whore
The one who flirts
And does a little moreBut who's to say?
This is a social scene anyway
And everybody wants to explore the new girl
Caught up in her own hard liquor world
But liquor doesn't exist in my world
But liquor doesn't exist in my world

Yeah
And you say chi city chi city chi city
I’m coming home again
Do you think about me now and then
Do you think about me now and then
Cause I’m coming home again
Coming home again
I met this girl when I was three years old
And what I love most she had so much soul
She said Excuse me little homie I know you don’t know me
But my name is Windy and I like to blow trees and
From that point I never blow her off
Niggers come from out of town I like to show her off
They like to act tough she like to toe em off
And make em straighten up their hat cuz she know they soft
And when I grew up she showed me how to go downtown
And in the nighttime her face lit up so astounding
I told her in my heart is where she’ll always be
She never mess with entertainers cuz they always leave
She said it felt like they walked and drove on me
Knew I was gang affiliated got on tv and told on me
I guess that’s why last winter she got so cold on me
She said yay keep makin keep makin that platinum and gold for me
I’m coming home again
Do you think about me now and then
Do you think about me now and then
Cause I’m coming home again
Coming home again
Do you think about me now and then
Do you think about me now and then
Oh Now I’m coming home again
Maybe we can start again
But if you really cared for her
Then you wouldn’t of never
Hit the airport to follow your dreams
Sometimes I still talk to her
But when I talk to her, it always seems like she talkin about me
She said you left your kids, and they just like you
They wanna rap and make soul beats just like you
But they just not you and I just got through
Talkin bout what niggahs tryin to do just not new
Now everybody got the game figured out all wrong
I guess you never know what you got till it’s gone
I guess that’s why I’m here and I can’t come back home
And guess when I heard that when I was back home
Every interview I’m representing you making you proud
Reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud
Jumpin in da crowd spark your lighters wave em around
If you don’t know by now
I’m talkin bout Chi-town
I’m coming home again
Do you think about me now and then
Do you think about me now and then
Cause I’m coming home again
Coming home again
Baby do you remember when Fireworks at Lake Michigan
Oh Now I’m coming home again
Coming home again
Baby do you remember when Fireworks at Lake Michigan
Oh Now I’m coming home again
Maybe we can start again
Loy oy oy oh
Loy oy oy oh
Comin home again
Loy oy oy oh
Loy oy oy oh
Comin home again
Maybe we can start again

HOMECOMING by KANYE WEST.

today was a great girly day!
its fun to hang out with my close girlfriend. (:
and nice nails we have!
i cant wait for our pedicure tomorrow! =D

anyway,
been thinking alot today.

two girls have already told me my tao hua yun very good.
but actually,
im always attracting the wrong people.
and the one i really want doesnt want me.

you know,
sometimes you want someone....
then the person leaves you hanging with no answer.
that person is confused.
and when the person finally gets his conclusion,
you're already gone.
gone gone gone....

And i still love the way that you taste.

2009-01-18T02:16:00.000-08:00

don't want to reach for me, do you
i mean nothing to you
the little things give you away
and now there will be no mistaking

Making my way downtown
Walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And wonder if you ever think of me
Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong
Living in your precious memory
Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by, oh
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight
And I, I don't wanna let you know
I, I drown in your memory
I, I don't wanna let this go
I, I don't
Making my way downtown
Walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass us by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you, oh, oh
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could just hold you tonight

A THOUSAND MILES by VANESSA CARLTON.

everytime i hear this song,
i think about that American Idol contestant.
if i remember correctly,
it was season 7?

and today i'm feeling so much better because now i have my new phone!
WOOHOO!
i can't wait for the charging to finish.
yippee!

and i definitely look forward to tomorrow as well.
probably more shopping!
and not to mention,
the manicure!
=D

HOORAY!
i'm kinda excited now.
like, really excited.

well,
at least im feeling happier today.
i went to dig up my CDs and transfer the songs back into my computer.
though really nice ones like Aiden aren't there anymore....
it's alright i guess....
gotta live with it. ):

and two unexpected things happened today.
sighh....
when will people stop playing with my mind....

toodles!

Cause a mind on a mission
With enough ammunition
And the proper position
Is a mind that you just set free

Navigate me

i just need to read your mind....

2009-01-17T01:10:00.000-08:00

And we're friends, we're friends
Just because we move units

I'm waiting
For the perfect time to call you back
Cos' I remember saying
Don't wanna know the truth
Can't handle that
And I try to just forget you
But I don't know how
If only I knew
It's written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now
Where do we go
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care
Maybe I could meet you there
I'm sorry
If I slagged you down
I meant no harm
When I heard the stories
Said things I didn't mean
Should have stayed calm
But sadly
You got angry
And it breaks my heart
You're so mad at me
Its written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now
Where do we go
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
Its written all over your face
Such a painful thing to waste
Tell me now
Where do we go
Now the future's not so clear
I can't believe we've ended here
Where's the world that doesn't care
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I could meet you there
Maybe I should meet you there

MEET YOU THERE by BUSTED.

TODAY SUCKS.
woke up at 830.
feeling tired.
'cos last night didnt sleep well.
even though i dreamt of someone.
it was weird i even dreamt of him.
it just really got me thinking,
is he the one i want?
or am i just being crazy and thinking too much into a stupid dream.

and the first text i received was from weeb.
saying he wanna change day for movie.
then i had to text davin to change our lunch to another day.
but lucky the morning stuff werent affected.
next week busy week for me sia.
but i like going out with friends luh,
so i dont mind. (:

im feeling funny today.
i dont know how to describe the exact feeling.
but its just weird.

well,
today we were supposed to buy iPhone.
so we went to heartland mall.
the fucking visa and nets system was down.
so its either cash or we go to another branch.
and my parents decided to go J8 one.
WOW. there no stock.
so what the fuck,
all the stupid wasted trips.
ahh well, its alright.
i cant do much.
its fate, i guess.

people arent replying my texts,
but its fine.
i've got nothing to say about that.
i just feel really restless and stuff.

and also,
i played Wii for the whole afternoon.
now im aching like crazy.
seriously,
my fingers hurt while im typing.

so i guess i cant even play piano for now?

on the bright side,
manicure on monday! =D

okay,
so only two good things so far.
its been a really rotten day.

feeling so sian.
'cos i accidentally deleted alot of songs from my com.
which makes me not a music library anymore.
just a screwed up human being with little songs.

and the emo feeling is here,
creeping and spreading thru me uncontrollably.
i feel like stuffing myself with food,
yet at the same time i dont feel like eating at all.

FUCK.
im feeling so irritated with myself.
i cant stand it anymore.
its this weird feeling of wanting to isolate myself from the world,
yet....
im sure i'd rather have someone to talk to.
someone to tell me jokes to cheer me up....
someone to talk to me to keep me sane....

well,
im listening to BLINK 182's live concert now.
its quite awesome.

and i've gotta speak my mind about some things.
some things that get me really irritated.

PERSON A.
a girl who cares about guys more than me.
its fine for a girl to like talking to guys.
its fine for a girl to have guy friends.
its fine for a girl to talk to many guys at one time.
but the pretty face gets you nowhere.
you need to care about your girl friends too!
when in times of need and stuff,
you come to me.
you tell me your guy problems.
and i'll give you advice.
after that,
you just drift off.
probably with a new guy or something.
FUCKING IRRITATING.
at least spare a fucking thought for me?
you think im here for you forever?
CHERISH YOUR FRIENDS LUH!
those goddamned guy friends of yours come and go.
you got unlimited SMS, so what?
text all the guys and when i sms you,
you dont even reply.
you think you saint uh?
when you want to talk to me,
i must talk to you.
but when i wanna talk to you,
you so reluctant to talk to me.
and its not like im all the time talking about guy problems okay!
DARE YOU TO TELL ME IN MY FACE THAT YOU DONT WANT TO TALK TO ME.
i swear,
the next time you sms me,
im not gonna bother reply.
I SWEAR.
im seriously damn pissed with you now, okay.
i wont accept your apology.
i wont forgive and forget.
trust me.

PERSON B.
a guy, after breaking up with his ex,
keep showing off that he now knows so many new girls.
yeah, like whatever luh.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW FUCKING DESPO YOU ARE?
meet a girl,
chat her up,
get her number,
its fine.
but dont go around showing off you got so many freaking new girlfriends luh.
curse you turn GAY.
DESPOs are like so irritating luh.
I HATE THIS KINDA PEOPLE.
and plus somemore,
go for looks when hes not even handsome.
JUST FUCKING LOOK IN YOUR GODDAMNED MIRROR.
see your face?
look like APE right?
you still want date girls?
go fuck an orang utan luh.
bloody hell.

PERSON C.
a guy whos not bad looking and think he can get all the girls.
FUCK YOU.
you think you're mr. singapore?
go see what you'll look like in 10years luh.
bet you look worst.
so what if you're fit now?
so what if you look good now?
so what if you're good with girls?
this charm aint gonna last, dude.
and those MIND GAMES....
it makes you a fucking bastard.
spare a thought for people's feelings.
STUPID PLAYER.
when you get played,
you'll learn your lesson as well.
HAVE FUN GETTING HURT.
if you're lucky,
it wont happen to you.
but you know what you are.
A FUCKING FLIRT WHO PLAYS PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.
go get a life.
playing with feelings isnt the best hobby you can have.
for you,
i'd suggest....
cutting yourself everyday?
STAB YOUR STOMACH AND BLEED.
and cry for the one you really love,
who obviously wont love you 'cos you're so damn screwed up.
im not sorry at all, that we had a head on collision. (:

okay, sorry for the venting of anger and all that.
its really rather vulgar,
but i kinda feel better now.
typing all these out.
heh,
and if you fucker know im talking about you,
go stab yourself and self-reflect abit luh.
damnass.

im really sorry luh.
for those who are really shocked reading this.
i have to get EVERYTHING out of my chest.
and seriously,
now i feel like having a good meal.
and just watch MTV and smile more.
theres no icecream or chocolate left at home.
its really fun.
like some treasure hunt,
i have to go around hunting for something to eat.
and im sure im getting fat.
which aint good luh.

but who cares about me anyway. (:

anyway,
here are some songs that are really nice.
do check them out:

1. SOMETHING REAL by AMERICAN HI-FI.
2. SPEAK OF THE DEVIL by SUM 41.
3. BABY COME HOME by AMERICAN HI-FI.
4. I CAUGHT FIRE (IN YOUR EYES) by THE USED.
5. ADAM'S SONG by BLINK 182.
6. HEAD ON COLLISION by NEW FOUND GLORY.
7. MISERY LOVES ITS COMPANY by THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS.

Oh yeah, you caught me.
But I caught you on worse
They say, "You want a war? You've got a war."
But who are you fighting for?
The tide's out, the ship's run aground
We drown traitors in shallow water

you've got a way of making me feel like this.
don't keep me waiting, please.
just stay with me now....

2009-01-16T04:36:00.000-08:00

Same shit, different day.
Same shit, different day.

I’m like a rookie paramedic to a siren
Prayin' for an accident
No they won't let me roll, ‘til I got no back up
Until they're out of control
This emergency brought you to me
I'll be your doctor
I'll be your cure
I'll be your medicine and more
Yeah you can rest assure
I'm your doctor I’m your cure
I'll be your cure
I got a secret
Please don’t repeat it
I took the chemicals we took to make our chemistry
And I remixed it
It didn't fix it
All it did was make the memories a blur to me
But this emergency brought you, brought you to me
I’ll be your cure, I’ll be yours
This is it for me.

DOCTOR by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR.

okay, you losers reading this blog but not tagging....

i haven't been blogging 'cos i've been going out almost everyday.
and not because i'm upset about results,
'cos i'm satisfied with my grades.
and yeah,
MOVE ON. (:

anyway, its been a fun week.
went out with MANY PEOPLE.

on tuesday,
went out with MUMMY.
bought some shorts.
nice. (:

on wednesday,
went watch movie with yunming, haqeem and xiao yi. (:
TRANSPORTER 3.
which i bet YM enjoyed alot 'cos he's like, so horny.
and maybe haqeem also! xD
and xiao yi and i just kept saying that girl very despo.

on thursday,
girly outing with lidia.
we went shopping, shopping and shopping.
took some neoprints.
and we seriously visited 3 charles and keith outlet.
after awhile, got really tired.
'cos we were both wearing heels.
BTH leh!
feet aching like mad.
and something related to 'nice ass' happened after that.
SO HILARIOUS.

and today,
had starbucks in the morning with timothy, his best friend and xiao yi.
which was fun.
'cos i LOVE coffee.
but it was also fun hanging out luh. (:
then later,
met aiswarya for lunch.
and sent off my kiddies for movie.
and then,
went to watch IP MAN with marc.
DAMN NICE MOVIE.
i love kungfu luh.
and donnie yan was like so cool,
his face so stoned one. xD
maybe that's why i like jasper hale from twilight more than anyone else in the movie.
his face described as 'permanently in pain'.

and next week, another exciting week before chinese new year!
can't wait!
MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY.

anyway,
i can't stand guys who call themselves HOT and SHUAI....
and all those bullshit names that don't even suit them.
at least be modest right.
damn idiot sia.
can you imagine i tell you "eh, i'm like the prettiest girl in my school luh."
SO THICKSKINNED CAN.
i know i normally quite ego-istic.
but i only call myself "nice" sometimes.
not like "beautiful" and "gorgeous" and all those crap.

i'm like really praying hard VJC takes me in. ):

toodles!

Well a-1, 2, 3
Take my hand and come with me
Because you look so fine
That I really wanna make you mine
I said, you look so fine
That I really wanna make you mine
4, 5, 6
C'mon and get your kicks
Now you don’t need the money when u look like that, do ya honey

baby, where's the emergency?
how do i make you mine....

2009-01-11T01:50:00.000-08:00

And I think what I just wrote is going over my head
I'm stealing lines from myself
And what I said was never said

It's just a lyrical lie
Made up in my mind
And you want to be dressed in poetry
But imagery doesn't fit
And you want resizing
But darling dear get a grip

Hey girl, you know you drive me crazy.
One look puts the rhythm in my head.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around.
I see what's going down.
Cover up with makeup in the mirror,
tell yourself it's never gonna happen again.
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end.
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world will bear a consequence.
If you wait around forever you will surely drown.
I see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say you're right again,
Ssy your right again
Heed my lecture.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end.
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
Face down in the dirt she said "This doesn't hurt."
She said "I've finally had enough."
Face down in the dirt she said "This doesn't hurt."
She said "I've finally had enough."
(One day she will tell you that she has had enough.)
It's coming 'round again.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end.
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end.
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
Face down in the dirt she said "This doesn't hurt."
She said "I've finally had enough."

FACE DOWN by THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS

today i've been trying to distract myself.
but to no avail.

i played Wii.
i did a full victoria school prelim2 emath paper.
i watched DVDs.
i did ironing.
i tried to fall asleep.
i listened to music.
i texted my good friend.
i played pets society.
i replied comments on friendster.
i visited friends' blogs.

IM NOT NERVOUS AT ALL.
seriously.

the stupid wait is damn irritating.

why cant time move faster?
im seriously so bored.

i wanna get back to school.
do homework,
and distract myself.

but im looking forward to thursday and friday!
already made plans to go out with two friends. (:

ahh....

tired of blogging!

TOODLES! (:

I wanna know the things you're thinking
I wanna be the place you are
Under the city lights
I’m sinking Is anybody out there?
I wanna know the way you’re feeling
I wanna heal your deepest scars
I’m drowning myself with sober thinking
Is anybody out there?

why cant time move faster?
why cant i stop thinking about you?
why cant i just see that we're not meant to be?
why cant i just get over the fact you obviously dont want me?
darling, give me the answers....

2009-01-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away

And honestly,
I have been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud
I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run,
I stop to breathe (And I was nearly scared to death)
And I was nearly scared to death (Why you left in paragraphs)
Why you left in paragraphs (The words were nearly over us)
The words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags
And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice,
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting
But my tongue won't fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours
All alone and in the dark
So let me think of to word it
Is it too soon to say 'perfect'?
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything would find me
All that's left is just to sing
And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice,
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
And you'll sing to me sweet until then,
I may never sail Virginia again
Alas this current moves slow for me, this much you must know...we'll meet again
And I'll, I'll have you know I'm scared to death
Tell me once again that you will love me till the death
And should I die, you swear that you will come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your arms (And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go (And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go
And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice,
He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

YOU BE THE ANCHOR THAT KEEPS MY FEET ON THE GROUND
by MAYDAY PARADE

YESTERDAY.

i woke up feeling stupid,
as usual.

was listening to THE VERONICAS.

"i'm having a day from hell"
that's the first line of the song WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART.

cool song for a cool day eh.

yeah, seriously.
a day from hell,
my goddamned handphone spoilt.
so i had to use my sister's phone.
and all my contacts gone.

a huge sorry to weeb, ryan, haqeem and nesh.
you guys wished me happy birthday and i was like,
"thanks, who are you anyway?"

well,
the second line of the song is
"before you came"

where are you?

okay,
what the heck.
i'm seriously damn stupid right.

then,
i went to call LYDIA.
asked her if she was on her way over.
then began to prepare for her arrival.

my mummy cooked mian xian for me.
she said it was birthday breakfast,
must finish everything.
so, i did.
and i was so freaking bloated i could just go commit suicide luh.

damn.

anyway,
i walked out to my house bus-stop to pick lydia up.
and i was really surprised with the lovely pink box she gave me.
and inside were awesome stuff.
like the CHOCOLATE.
that was the best! =D
thanks dear!
so sweet of you. (:

we played wii for awhile before going to my room to play with soft toys and just chat.
quite sad we forgot to cam-whore.
HAH.

and then after that,
we left for lunch at compass point.

we met reuben at the female shoes section of metro xD
then headed for swensons.

lunch was lovely. (:

and we took couple of photos.
but as usual,
i look awfully weird. ):

LYDIA <3

OUR LUNCH.
baked rice.
the paper i'm holding is actually a tissue paper nicely decorated by lydia. (:
it says "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL"
awwww.... (:
i still have it in my bag leh! =D

REUBEN! =D

the free ice cream!
it's on the house 'cos it's my birthday =D

two photos taken by reuben xD

the funniest part was when lydia suggested i put three cheeries in my mouth and take photo.
like in the video "womanizer" where britney ate cherries on top of the guy.
and reuben had to suan me by saying i'm man-izer.
HAHA.
had a blast at lunch!

our lunch cost us about 31bucks.
which ain't that bad.
'cos it's three people eating. (:

after that,
we went NYP.
'cos AJC openhouse was closed already.
met IAN there.
my ahma got new haircut sia!
now cannot give him hairband already.

so, it was kinda best friends reunion.
THREE BESTFRIENDS pei-ing me go openhouse.
sweet huh. (:

then after walking around,
i got kinda tired.
so started to feel a lil emo.

so it's a little bit emo + my handphone spoil emo = QUITE EMO.
which kinda sucked.
'cos when ryan gave me birthday present,
i think my face was kinda black x=
not intentional!
but thanks for the present anyway. (:

it was quite interesting luh.
met a few other unexpected people.

and on the bus ride home,
i think i was extremely quiet.
and ian thought he offended me.
but nah,
dont worry luh, ahma.
i'm nice to old people.

but in the end,
at night,
don't know why we both emo-ed like crazy.
heh,
lucky got nice person pei me talk till my birthday was officially over. (:

was supposed to go newyorknewyork for dinner.
but my mummy suggested going to the country club instead.
so i was like,
anything luh.
emo also can't eat much.
and i hardly smiled too.
sheesh.

but there was some fun when we reached home and did cake cutting.
birthday songs are nice.
they kinda cheer me up in a way. (:

my cake so cute! (:

I LOVE MY PENGUIN SHIRT =D

HOPE MY WISH COME TRUE....

MY FAMILY,
who have been here for me,
always. (:

fell asleep at 1, i think.
was texting 7 people.
damn good finger exercise.
heh,
and haqeem and billy were the last to wish me happy birthday.
thanks anyway. (:

TODAY.

nothing much happened.
woke up at 9.

dreamt of the same person for 3nights in a row already.
DAMN.

and then had piano lesson.
which cheered me up a lil.
but was still kinda dead.

drank ALOT of water today.
maybe i drink alot of water when i'm emo?

after lesson,
i came online to blog and talk to a few friends.

i'm seriously damn tired.
but i can't fall back asleep.

i'm waiting for a miracle.

toodles!

p.s.:

the previous post consists of what happened on 7th and 8th.

those who read the post on the 7th,

i edited, added new stuff and re-posted on the 8th.

blogger's fault.

REPLIES TO TAGS:

lidia-- i don't think he reads luh. but the photos are damn hilarious! =D

esther-- it was just a dinner. don't suan me luh....

weeb-- haha, HELLO! MEL is nicer. but wei bin is a cute name luh!

yiling-- get well soon, a'ite? (:

I'm not going

Cause I've been waiting for a miracle

And I'm not leaving

I won't let you

Let you give up on a miracle

Cause it might save you

i was really glad to receive a birthday greeting from you.
the sms came late,
but i'm glad you didnt forget. (:

2009-01-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

Why do I keep running from the truth,
All i ever think about is you.
You got me hypnotized,
So mesmerized

You say,
It's not what you do
It's what you're thinkin' of
Well I think it's just an excuse,
It's what you put across.
'Cuz I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
Makin' all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
So make sure, you're thinkin' it through
You've let me down again
Offer me something
I know you really meant
'Cuz I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
Makin' all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
Hey
What you gonna offer now?
I don't wanna be the one
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
Makin' all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one
Hey
What you gonna offer now?
This was not my idea
Don't you keep me waiting
(What you gonna offer now?)

BE THE ONE by THE TING TINGS

yesterday was fun. (:

met lidia at kovan,
and reached cityhall late.
the other three were like sitting at the steps there waiting for us.
damn paiseh.

then we walked to marina square.
had carls junior.
actually, only me and lidia.
yunming and haqeem were like texting. (GIRLS. HAH!)
and jon was like,
disturbing lidia.
as usual luh.

after that we went play pool.

the man dont believe im even 16 luh.

WHAT THE FUCK.

and im the oldest somemore ____

but well, i still enjoyed myself. (:

got loads of photos man!
damn funny.

JONATHAN IS THE SINGAPORE'S TOP MODEL OF THE DAY.

yunming texting girls again! xD

some kind of gay hand pose? (KIDDING)

then lidia and i went to toilet.
and cam-whored xD

the pretty girl on the left and the not pretty girl on the right. (:
i seriously look ugly. ):

then we went suntec for walk?
and ended up in the coffee bean,
cos starbucks was too crowded.

we played truth or dare.
and the guys all damn horny luh!
and i'm sure jon deleted some photo from my camera! )=<

i drank iced mocha latte.
nice man.

and got more pictures of JON xD

Jon trying find porn in my camera?
HAHAHAHA, i'm innocent girl xD

yunming super act cool man!

GUESS WHO? (please dont sue me!)

more photos of JON.
and his nice bag. (:

and the present from JON. (:

the wrapping paper super nice!

after that,
went dinner with jielun. (:
which was nice.
PIZZA HUT. (:
but i didnt finish my food as usual.
and when can i stop making people finish food for me? ):

and after that,
had a nice walk home. (:
and a nice birthday present from him. (:

THANKS, YOU GUYS.
its really a day to remember (:

as for today....
it was definitely fun too. (:

though half the time i was thinking about stuff....
like, kept stoning and stuff.

but i had fun man! =D
today was totally girlfriends outing.
and i called jon to hang out later but he couldnt make it.
so, ended up spending even more quality time with my girlfriends =D

i got a shock when i reached the baked rice place.
'cos yinsuen and claudia were there.
and i totally wasnt expecting them.
really a surprise. (:
and i liked that surprise. (:
'cos i really missed them.

AND I LOVE THE BIRTHDAY CAKE!

AWWWW. so sweet right?

it tastes sweet too! (:
strawberry plus chocolate =D

clockwise direction:

yinsuen, stacey, esther, me, claudia

weird huh, birthday girl in BLACK.

and its my favourite EMO shirt too!

we kinda got chased out of the place.

'cos we werent allowed to cut cake.
so we went outside, near some bus stop instead.

the cake is prettier than birthday girl!

after that,

we went stacey's house.

retarded photo of esther xD

MY BEST FRIENDS <3

YINSUEN!

with funny hand pose!

and CLAUDIA.

who ran away the moment i pressed the button ._.

AND THANKS GIRLS!

for the awesome wallet.

i know i overspend most of the time xD

its so cute!

im really excited about tomorrow.

but im getting sick of eating cake.

THREE DAYS IN A ROW.

damn it ._.

okay, i appreciate the goodwill of my friends.

buying cake for me is really really nice. (:

im really really touched.

this is really the best birthday ever. (:

i've got three wishes in my mind already.

i can't say them out.

but i really hope they come true.

'O's results coming out next week?

YOU GUYS NERVOUS?

im so totally not.

in fact,

i dont know why im feeling so feelingless about it.

i worry about other stuff more than Os results.

mehh ):

and i really wanted to stab myself last night.

for thinking too much.

i know i shouldnt be thinking about such stuff.

im a mess.

im complicated.

and i really dont know whats wrong with me man.

TELL ME WHATS ON YOUR MIND, PLEASE?

arghh ):

I wish we could have worked it out
I wish I didn’t have these doubts
I wish I didn’t have to wonder just what you are doing now
I wish I didn’t know inside
That it won’t work out for you and I
I wish that I could stop this wishing
And just say my last goodbye
After all the things you put me through
Tell me why I’m still in love with you
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call

2009-01-06T04:53:00.000-08:00

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Because every breath that you will take when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?

No one is harder on me than myself
Or so it seems
Some say that you are my curse, my own worst enemy
I think they're wrong
They never thought our life could be like this
They never thought
I'll be your safe ride home when you call me,
I'll be everything and more
When you call my name
I thought no one is smarter than me
No, I don't need anyone’s help!
Or so it seemed
You changed me for the good
They never understood
But even if they tried
I doubt they could
So take my nervous hand and we can take a stand
We don’t have to live by their demands
I never thought life could be like this
I never thought
When I'm with you there's no worries
When I’m with you there's no shame
When I'm with you, I’m secure
We choose to live against the grain
They could say we lack the progress
They could say that we're a mess
They could say we'll never make it
And I know we're better than their test
And I don't hear them anyway

SAFE RIDE by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR

TODAY I DIDNT GO OUT.
omg.

i had piano lesson in the morning.
and my piano teacher said my fingers were getting weak. ):
so i have to practise hanon every morning before i go out.
i'm not complaining!
'cos i love playing the piano. (:
YAY!

in addition,
not going out today was really a good decision.
'cos i got to watch the telly,play some computer games,
play my guitar,
and totally relax.
i'm rather lazy to go out anyway.

my iTunes is really nice to me today.it keeps playing nice songs continuously.
there was Moan, Hollywood, Time and The Kiss Of Dawn playing back to back.
which is really awesome,
'cos i love all four songs.

anyway,
i havent blogged about the exciting day i had yesterday. (:
my outing with my AHMA.
it was really great, man!
and ahma kept tripping over his foot 'cos he forgot to bring his walking stick.
AWWW.
we watched BEDTIME STORIES,
which was really nice,
but it was kinda kiddy.
I'M YOUNG AT HEART ANYWAYS =D
and i definitely dont look 17,
unless i try to put some make-up on,
which normally ends up making me look like some emo goth ._.

eyeliner is my favourite, you know!
okay, what the heck.
i'm not emo anymore.
in fact,
the past few days,
i've been rather cheery. (:
thanks to my few good friends who are forever nice to me.

dang!
i've been digressing.
anyway,
yesterday after the movie,
ahma and i went for FISH & CO.
awesome man,
the fish was superbly nice.
but as usual,
i couldnt finish.
'cos i'm seriously a super small eater.
ahma helped me eat one piece.
that was super insane.
'cos ahma had beef noodles before the movie,
wiped out his entire plate of fish and chips,
and still could eat somemore.
HAHA.
like in my previous post,
i called ahma a ....
NEVER MIND. xD
so after the super filling meal,
we wanted to go east coast park.
and as ahma is very rich,
we took taxi.
but it rained!
so we went parkway.
havent been there in ages man.
the last time i was there was 'cos i went VJC openhouse,
then went there for lunch with best friend.
and i met jon at the busstop.
it's quite funny,
thinking about it.
'cos i bet he shouted 'MEL' so many times,
the whole busstop already knows my name. xD
after that,
took a long busride home.
was really tired,
but i somehow still managed to keep myself awake to watch little nonya.
okay,
i know its like a great shock that im watching chinese dramas.
somehow,
i went online to kill boredom and keep awake.
and i ended up feeling so awake,
i couldn't fall asleep.
AGAIN.
bloody hell,
i really need to sleep early nowadays.
eye bags are gonna make me uglier man.

im feeling excited about tomorrow,
as usual.
i'm always feeling excited before i go out. (:
yippee. (:

anyway,
i couldn't fall asleep because i was thinking about somebody.
clue #1 : name begins with J.
i felt really awful about what happened between us, man.
i was really mean in treating this person so badly.
clue #2 : names ends with N.
whenever i talk to him,
the guilty feeling keeps coming back.
and i always feel this urge to make it up to him.
clue #3 : second last letter of the name is A.
actually,
he's really one of the coolest person to me.
i love his jokes,
and i love talking to him.
clue #4 : second letter of the name is O.
hmm, i really hope things can go back to normal.
i really find it hard to keep a proper conversation with him.
everytime his replies are like,
so short. ):
clue #5 : third last letter of the name is H.

okay, those reading this.
do not assume.
and do not get the wrong idea that i'm into this guy.
but the guilty conscience is there.
i didn't treat him well.
and i'm sorry.
i doubt he'll even be reading this.
but i just needed to vent it out.
NO MORE CLUES. GO FIGURE.

anyway,recently i've been reading people's blogs.
for fun's sake!
totally.
i'm not stalking anyone.
and it's really funny,
how people like to use the word 'YOU'.
it's so ambiguous.
'YOU' can refer to anyone, anything or even a dog.
eg.
"can you please show me a sign?"
the 'you' can refer to someone or even God.
i find it really stupid.
because people who use 'you' alot in their posts without stating who it is,
it's like,
trying to lead people on.so even if it doesn't concern this particular person but the situation fits,
that person might assume that the 'you' refers to him\her.
and that's really spastic,
leading people on....
maybe that might make something think that the person is being despised or hated.
maybe that person might just get the wrong idea.
yeap,totally.
so YOU better stop it. (:

toodles! (:

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible

2009-01-04T01:20:00.000-08:00

There is an engine in my body
With every beat it lets me breathe
There is a machine within my body
If I can keep up with the machine that's in my body
I can do anything, be anything, see anything
I can feel the beat within my body
If I keep up with it could I catch myself?

The roads are wrapped around your waist
They lead me place to place
I take trips from hip to hip
In fact I’ve made a career out of it
I’ve always thought the left was your strongest side
But when it comes to you now I can’t decide
It’s only a matter of time
I need the product of your fears in the form of tears
It’s the only way I can survive
It breaks my heart to see you crying baby
It’s the only way I’ll stay alive
Green eyes, blue skies
Natural disasters when she cries
Green eyes, they’re mine
It’s only a matter of time
Like the climate you never know what weather you get
No denying you’re the habit that I can’t quit
It’s only a matter of mine
Rotating
I’m shaking
I hope you turn around in time
Tide is changing
I’m waiting
But you and I are one of a kind
I’ve been to both hemispheres over my short years
I still can’t pick my favorite place
The contour of your lips
They match the continents
And I still love the way that you taste

TIME by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR

last night couldnt fall asleep.
was thinking about things.
as usual.

well,
but i can assure you i didnt get emo,
unlike the usual 'think too much and hence have unnecesary emo thoughts' scenario.

i've learnt to take things coming as it is.
i've learnt not to change people.
i've learnt to not think about revenge and hatred.
'cos those are retarded and immature.
screw those bastards who are childish and lame.
i'm not going to do anything about it.

in fact,
i really want to change my entire lifestyle.
i ought to stop using the computer so much everyday.
when school starts,

i'll probably be back to the 'go online once a week' thing.
which is good.

also,
i'm planning to improve my english.
SINGLISH is a disease that is spreading thru me.
almost every sentence i speak has singlish in it.
well,
i'll avoid those.
(TEXTING NOT INCLUDED xD )

and next week seriously damn busy.

my itenary is interesting man.

MONDAY:

I CANT WAIT TO GO SHOPPING WITH AHMA TOMORROW (:
fish & co!
so excited man!
but i seriously doubt i can finish my meal.
so must force ahma to help me eat.
'cos he's such a glutton anyway.
he eats soooo much everyday and still complain hungry!
maybe thats how he grew so tall.
but ahmas shrink as they grow older,
someday i'll be taller than you! HAHA.

TUESDAY:

i have piano lesson in the morning.
then afternoon no plans.
but evening maybe going dinner with my friend.
or maybe we'll be going out next week instead.
'cos he stay so far! ):
and weeb, you didnt read all my posts, so you owe me ice cream!

WEDNESDAY:

hanging out with lidia, jonathan, yunming and haqeem
we're going to sit down, have coffee and chat.
quite cool.
i miss all of them! (:
and i really look forward to this day too!

THURSDAY:

this day isn't really confirmed yet.
but i should be having lunch with either my girlfriends or my other friend.

blehhh.... hope they can make it! ):

FRIDAY:

lydia's coming over.
we're probably gonna watch a movie,
then head for AJC and NYP open house.
ahma's coming along too.
he better bring his walking stick if not too many people there,
he might get trampled on.
(HAHA. OMG! DONT KILL ME, PLEASE)

anyway, this post was supposed to be published about 5 hours ago,
but i went out for dinner halfway.
and it was nice.
i almost finished the plate of chicken cutlet!
i ate the coleslaw even!
but in the end left all the fries i couldnt finish ):
as usual ):
pfffffffffft. ):

anyway,
no idea how to fall asleep early tonight ):

toodles!

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how
You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

2009-01-03T04:40:00.000-08:00

If only time flew like
A dove
God make it fly
Faster than I'm falling in love

Hey
Shut up and let me go
This hurts, I tell you so
For the last time you will kiss my lips
Now shut up and let me go
Your jeans were once so clean
I bet you changed your wardrobe since we met
Now oh so easily, you’re over me
Gone is love
It’s you that ought to be holding me
I’m not containable
This turns up
It’s not sustainable
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
Shut up and let me go
Hey!
Shut up and let me go
This hurts, what I can’t show
For the last time you had me in bits
Now shut up and let me go!
For fear of living in regret
I’ve changed since from when we first me
Now oh so easily, you’re over me
Gone is love
It’s me that ought to be moving on
You’re not adorable
I was something unignorable
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
I ain’t freakin’
I ain’t fakin’ this
Shut up and let me go
Hey!
Oh, love
Hold this
Hey
Hey
Shut up and let me go
This hurts, I told you so
For the last time you will kiss my lips
Now shut up and let me go
Hey!

SHUT UP AND LET ME GO by THE TING TINGS

i went to the park today.
quite fun.
at first play badminton until damn shuang.

AND I DIDNT SLIP OR FALL OR SPRAIN MY LEG.
cant believe my ahma so heartless ):
next time i'll make you kiss the evil twin of YOU-KNOW-WHO.
muahahaha....

then after that,
i went to take the swings.
quite fun.
cos was emo-ing and thinking of alot of things.
then i had a heart to heart talk with my devil-lish sister.
she was like pushing my swing damn high,
until i got queasy.
my lips went damn pale.

then i was telling my crazy sister i looked like alice cullen.
damn cool!
cos alice cullen is married to jasper hale.
AHHH =D
sheesh,
gone mad already.

hmm,
i think im gonna do some ironing tomorrow.
cos ironing helps me forget about things.
its like,
an alternative to emo-ing.
when i iron,
i forget all my troubles.
its better than drinking too (:

i gotta go swimming soon!
im getting damn unfit.
and i've got stupid backache too.
anyone wanna go swimming?
call me! =D

i look forward to next week leh.
so exciting =D
its probably the most special week of 2009 =D

AND I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
ftw.
i cant wait to do math again!
more challenging stuff.
instead of those emath papers from VS.
which were supposed to be for homework during prelim period, i think.
haha,
i didnt do them for homework at all xD

g.
gu.
gui.
guil.
guilt.
guilty.

ohkayyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i had a great day today (:

toodles (:

when you walk away,
i dont want to count the steps that you take (:

2009-01-02T22:55:00.000-08:00

A loser can win
Whenever they want to
All that they gotta, gotta do
Is bring you down (bring you down)
Is bring you down

Oh no, I will not be sold
The world has this ability
To make a life of sin look sweet

But we'll never know, about the life I chose
I won't believe, I won't be so naive until I go.

Maybe he'll change
Maybe things will get better
Maybe it would be nice
If he wouldn't always put you down
Maybe things will work out
But maybe they'll never
And I think that you've given him
The benefit of the doubt
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give to live to waste your time on him
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give to live to waste your time on him
Maybe he'll change
If you could be better
But maybe it's not your fault
He's checking out the waitress now
But someday you'll change
One day you're stronger
And you will have changed enough
And it's time to get out
You have too much to give to live to waste your time on him

BOWLING BALL by SUPERCHICK

damn,
this song is nice.

its time to get out.
time to live a better life.
THANK LYDIA.
for sending me this song.
i've waken up already.

i need a guy like a bowling ball dropped on my head.
HAHA.
i laugh at that thought (:

anyway,
im really looking forward to next week.
i've got everyday planned already =D
i hope its going to be the best week of my life.
and thanks to you guys, who are planning nice little celebrations for me (:

im planning to write a lengthy post today.
cos im really bored.
most of my friends are out.
but im too lazy to get my ass out of the house.
so i shall play computer =D
like, WOW. so fun.

and i guess im not going to try be a psychologist anymore.
cos i cant read minds.
DAMN.

The way we’re living makes no sense
Take me back to the age of innocence
I want to go back then
Take me back to the age of innocence

innocence.
whats that?
i always tell my dear ahma that im a nice cute innocent little girl.
and yes, thats a big lie.
apart from the innocent part maybe.
im still innocent in most areas.

i treat innocence as the gullible and naive.
not knowing what to believe.
not knowing who to trust.
dont know much about stuff.
dont know the harsh truth about stuff.

innocence.
i tell my friends.
if there werent anything as romantic relationships,
life would have been more innocent.
no drug dealing,
no sex,
no unwanted pregnancies,
no heart breaks.

erm,
i think im like digressing alot.
and those dont really have to do with innocence, do they?

sheesh,
dont know whats with me these few days.
i hardly know what im talking.

so if i've offended anyone,
i apologise.

anyway,
im gonna be a good girl this year (:
no more NAUGHTY.
i'll be good, so santa can give me loads of presents.
wah fuck, i seriously believe santa exists.
yeah.... right ._.

toodles!

you dont bring me down. no way (:

2009-01-02T04:25:00.000-08:00

Medically speaking you're adorable
And from what I hear you're quite affordable
But I like them pricey
So exaggerate and t-t-t-t-t-t-trick me
Pretty please, just trick me
Pretty please

I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess
I can't think of things
To write down, to type down
And these fingertips are moving faster than these lips
So you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is

I'm creepin' your way way and these sheets aren't stoppin' me
Because I'm gonna meet you face to face
And I'm gonna start from your waist up through your navel
And we're approaching such a place
This is where we both get scared
This is where emotion flares
This is where we both prepare
Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me through your body
I'm creepin' your way and these sheets aren't stoppin' me
That's right it's quite simply
These sheets aren't stoppin' me
Cause my mind's on a mission
And a mind on a mission
Is a mind that you just set free
I'm creepin' your way/I'm creepin' your
This is where we both get scared
This is where emotion flares
This is where we both prepare
Navigate me through your body
Navigate me
Navigate me through your body
Navigate
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me
'Cause a mind on a mission
With enough ammunition
And the right proposition
Is a mind that you might set free
Cause a mind on a mission
With enough ammunition
And the proper position
Is a mind that you just set free
I love the way you talk on top of me
So navigate me
Navigate me through your body

NAVIGATE ME by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR

HAHA.
the lyrics are damn horny right.

im not a horny girl or anything larh....
but the song is really nice.
go listen to it.
its on my playlist.

and today i had fun.
i went airport with brother!
hmm,
i think 'brother' sounds cool.
cos i've always wanted a brother!
like, a real one.
aww man!
anyway,
we walked around all three terminals.
DAMN COOL.
but it got boring after awhile
but then again,
havent hung out with my kor in ages!
i think the last time we actually went out was like sec 2 leh!
yay (:
it was fun!
thanks for the great day, albert (:

call reuben out he dont want come out ):
and he still hasnt replied my text!
reuben, dont emo kay!

and i was supposed to visit my friend, YM, at pizza hut.
im sorry i didnt go in and eat!
it was too crowded.
next time kay (:

ahh,
life is getting better.
i know people care for me.
and thank you, you guys (:
especially the few best friends who are always here for me (:
i think i'd have selfdestructed if not for you guys (:

toodles (:

pretty please just trick me (:

2009-01-01T00:44:00.000-08:00

I'll be your doctor,
I'll be your cure.
I'll be your medicine,
and more.

I'll be yours.

How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind
I can't win your losing fight all the time
Not gonna ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides
But you won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time
How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know
The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own
On my own ("I'm screaming I love you so")
On my own (My thoughts you can't decode)
How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I think I know
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools of ourselves
Yeah
How did we get here?
When I use to know you so well, yeah yeah
How did we get here?
Well, I use to know you so well
I think I know
I think I know
There is something I see in you
It might kill me I want it to be true

DECODE by PARAMORE

you are flooding my head.
i cant throw away thoughts about you.
you're hard to decode.
i want to decode your thoughts.

tell me what you want,
what you really want.
dont leave me hanging.
'cos i hate that.

dont make me hate you,
let me in on your thoughts.
your countless thoughts,
your troubles,
your dilemma.

i dont know what you're up to,
but i just hope you'll get back to me.
tell me everything i wanna hear.

i've been an idiot.
dont make me feel worst than an idiot.

im not going to feel worthless.
i dont wanna surrender.

i know what i want.
ich will sie.

The roads are wrapped around your waist
They lead me place to place
I take trips from hip to hip
In fact I’ve made a career out of it
I’ve always thought the left was your strongest side
But when it comes to you now I can’t decide
It’s only a matter of time
I need the product of your fears in the form of tears
It’s the only way I can survive
It breaks my heart to see you crying baby
It’s the only way I’ll stay alive
Green eyes, blue skies
Natural disasters when she cries
Green eyes, they’re mine
It’s only a matter of time
Like the climate you never know what weather you get
No denying you’re the habit that I can’t quit
It’s only a matter of mine
Rotating
I’m shaking
I hope you turn around in time
Tide is changing
I’m waiting
But you and I are one of a kind
I’ve been to both hemispheres over my short years
I still can’t pick my favorite place
The contour of your lips
They match the continents
And I still love the way that you taste

2008-12-31T21:49:00.000-08:00

Do you remember me?
Or how to say my name?
Do you remember when we were friends

Swoon this is the same old blood rush with a new touch
I am safe, quaint and eloquent
But my bottom lip along with the top one too
Is chapped and it's all thanks to you
We all wet our lips to prepare for the kiss
But it never came
And we all wet our lips to prepare for the kiss
It was but a game
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone
(The bone, the bone)
You trained these lips when they were champs
And now they're itchin' for a comeback
So come back
It's a shame that your claim to fame
Hangs on someone else's name
So come back
Such a task and this is such a blast
And such a task
And such a task and this is such a blast
And all that jazz
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone
You have a dangerous face and illegal taste
And that strap is fallen on that shoulder blade
Be patient
Behave
You have a dangerous face and illegal taste
And that strap is fallen on that shoulder blade
Be patient
Behave
You have a dangerous face and illegal taste
And that strap is fallen on that shoulder blade
Be patient
Behave
You trained these lips when they were champs
And now they're itchin' for a comeback
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone
You have a moan all of your own
And I can feel it down to the bone

MOAN by CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR

i bet the past few posts made me sound like some fucked up lame girl.

and i call myself stupid.
which i think i am.

and then people will tell me,
"cheer up, emo kid"

and im not even emo.
im laughing.
laughing at myself.
cos this is the best new year ever!
im serious.

damn,
im hooked onto cute is what we aim for!

next week....
its a special week for me.
and thanks to my few close friends who are trying to make it special for me.
i really appreciate it.

SOMEONE MAKE ME SMILE PLEASE?

i guess i kinda got a friend back,
but i lost another friend again.
sheesh,
why cant my friends keep by my side.
am i that horrible?

SHEESH.

anyway, i did have a fun time yesterday.
my sister and i took damn alot of retarded photos.
HAHA.

HIP HIP HOORAY!

heartshape <3

pretty act cute eh

my face is like, damn red.
I LOVE DADDY <3>

toodles (:

take me back to the age of innocence.

i don't break hearts.

2008-12-29T04:53:00.000-08:00

Somebody get me off this lonely sad parade

Somewhere between an empty feeling and the worst one that you know
But i am saving every photograph of you
So every lie i live i see the truth

No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score
And why do we like to hurt, so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities where I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here
Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here
I still try holding onto silly things, I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
Hey, make your way to me, to me
And I'll always be just so inviting
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start, hey!
Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa

THATS WHAT YOU GET by PARAMORE

today has been a dull day.
didnt do much.
but i mastered ironing =D
and i finally mastered ironing men's clothing!
heehee (:
im feeling happier today (:
and i guess thats really good (:
IM LOOKING FORWARD TO 2009! =D

jetzt verstehe ich schließlich die Bedeutung von "ich warte dich, aber ich kann nicht für immer warten"
es verletzt soviel jedes Mal wenn ich an dich denke.
ich möchte zu denken stoppen, aber ich kann nicht mich steuern.
ich halte, dumm mich anzurufen, aber ich weiß nicht warum im noch blogging über dieses.
ich kenne nicht, wenn du ernst bist, oder wenn du mich als Ersatz behandelst.
ich bin verwirrt.
du erhieltest mich verwirrtest.
ich möchte nicht zweites Bestes sein.
niemand wünscht zu irgendwie.
ich hoffe, du verstehst, dass was hoffen im glaubend, ich, tadelst du mich nicht.
und ich hoffe, dass du mich nicht weiter verletzt.
mein Herz nicht weiter brechen, bitte.
ich verfehle dich, soviel
ich weiß, du mir keine Versprechungen ließest, aber ich wirklich hoffe, dass du einem Gedanken für mich ersparst.
bitte.

toodles (:

my funeral in the summer sun,
so beautiful for something so sad
[will i even be missed?]

2008-12-27T04:35:00.000-08:00

I miss the lips that make me fly

All I ever wanted
Was to be at your service
But now I'm alone
'Cause you were here and you're gone
And all I ever wanted
Was to feel I had a purpose
But now it's all gone.
But if you could give me
Just one love
Just one life
Just one chance to believe in mine
Just one loveJust one life.
You bleed for me
And I didn't get to notice you
Now I'm stuck out on a line
Yeah, yeah
You bleed for me
I didn't get to be with you
Now you're stuck in my mind.
All I ever wanted was to be what you needed
Something so strong
It could never be wrong
And all I can promise
Is to say what I'm feelin'
We've made it so long.
But if you could give me
Just one love
Just one life
Just one chance to believe in mine
Just one love
Just one life.
You bleed for me
And I didn't get to notice you
(Bleed for me)
Now I'm stuck out on a line
Yeah, yeah
(Would you?)
You bleed for me
I didn't get to be with you
(Bleed for me)
Now you're stuck in my mind.
Just one love in my life.
(Would you?)
You bleed for me
And I didn't get to notice you
(Bleed for me)
Now I'm stuck out on a line
Yeah, yeah
(Would you?)
You bleed for me
I didn't get to be with you
(Bleed for me)
Now you're stuck in my mind.
Bleed for me
Why won't you?
Bleed for me
Why won't you?
Bleed for me.
Just one love in my life.
Bleed for me
Why won't you?
Bleed for me
Why won't you?
Bleed for me.
Just one love in my life.

BLEED FOR ME by SALIVA

turning lesbian wont solve anything.
being emo wont solve anything.
drinking wont solve anything.
complaining wont solve anything.
thinking alot wont solve anything.
hating myself wont solve anything.
crying wont solve anything.
cooping myself up at home wont solve anything.
staring at my handphone wallpaper wont solve anything.
waiting for time to pass wont solve anything.
looking down and forlorn wont solve anything.

我来不及改变结局
这是我自导自演的悲剧
是你 ...是我..只能怪自己...

dear lord,
i really hope you hear me....

2008-12-26T04:49:00.000-08:00

Close your beautiful mouth,
Shut the fuck up

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that i've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what i made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that i've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST by LINKIN PARK

today i had a blast with my best friends.
i've got a new obsession.
and its a guy again.
EDWARD CULLEN.
that face.
it cant get off my mind.

and i didnt know it took half an hour of a bus ride to get to AMK from my house busstop.
WOW.
ohkayye ._.
so i left the house 45mins in advance.
and then i reached so early.
and i was hoping stacey wouldnt be that late.
thankfully,
i survived.
thanks to reuben,
who kept texting me.
its always nice talking to reuben cos he always makes me laugh.

TWILIGHT WAS AWESOME.
i loved it so much.
though i was shivering.
(i didnt bring my sweater! ): mehh! )

but after that, i was fine.
cos we walked outside.
where the sun was so glaring.
then we met reuben at macs,
where i bought my burger.
i was the only one eating.
i looked like some glutton!
but hey,
at least im eating.
and im not anorexic anymore.
i wanna gain back the 3kg i lost okay!

i had fun playing pool with my two best friends today.
SO FUN.
i took photos.
then the stupid camera had flash.
and some uncle ask me turn off flash.
then reuben call me flasher xD
heh,
and i remember on tuesday,
stacey called me FLASHER MEL.
wah,
sheesh.
i dont want be flasher larh!

i took about 3 photos.
and im not gonna post them here.
cos not very glam.
and its not that i took pervert photos of reuben and dont dare post.
i did not take any perverse photos at all.

and then,
i went novena to hitch a ride from my mummy.
thank god,
today my luck not bad.
heh.

anyway,
new year coming.
2009.
im not gonna say 'woohoo' cos i dont really look forward to it.
but well,
i got some new year resolutions.
and here goes:

1. I AM GOING TO BE NICE.
delete the crazy, weird, insane, irritating, stupid, annoying, loser-ish, low confidence, low self esteem, egoistic, sarcastic, mean mel.
i shall emerge as a beautiful butterfly.
and attract attention as an elegant princess
okay, i was kidding about the butterfly and princess part.
but i just wanna lead a simple life.
be nice to everyone, be helpful.
show my kind side.
and beauty doesnt grow,
so i cant help if im forever ugly (:
SHIT.

2. I AM GOING TO WORK HARD.
study hard.
work hard.
make these resolutions come true.
im not going to disappoint people.
im not going to piss people off.

3. I WANT A SIMPLE LIFE.
okay,
not the paris hilton kinda simple life.
but i just wanna focus on studies,
find someone who loves me for who i am and i can love,
be filial to my parents,
remove burdens from people as much as possible,
stop getting into complicated relationships,
stop pissing my friends off with my sarcasm,
stop losing friends,
keeping in touch with all my friends and staying close to them.

and reply to tags:
REUBEN-- i only got boy friends meh? ._. hahahaha, i very nice. got all kinds of friends (:
KAYWEI-- i guess you didnt read the posts eh? x=

and messages for my best friends (alphabetical order):
IAN- you're missed like crazy! OMG. COME BACK SOON! i miss you cheering me up man!
LYDIA- thanks for always being a listening ear and giving me awesome advice. I LOVE YOU.
REUBEN- you always entertain me without fail. and im glad to have you as a best friend (:
STACEY- i love your letter (: and i love you too (: thanks for always being here for me (:

and heres our lovely photo we took today!

my shirt reads "BOYS ARE STUPID THROW ROCKS AT THEM" =D

I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS (:

cos when i die, i will die loving you

2008-12-25T01:51:00.000-08:00

Baby you're the only thing that's been, on my mind

Oh kiss me, like you mean it
Like you miss me

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep insideIt was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility that you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Has it ever cross your mind
When were hangin, spending time girl,
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do

CRUSH by DAVID ARCULETA

terrible headache.
woke up at 12.
lay in bed till 4.
then came online.

heh,
3 and a half bottles of wine.
knock out man.
i should have taken a photo of myself.
my face was so red.
and i was just so fucking pissed with myself.
yeah,
my previous post was written while drunk.

and i normally dont get drunk so easily!

who cares.
anyway,
my head still freaking hurts.
but i cant fall asleep.

and this song 'get back' by demi lovato is stuck in my head.
okay,
i swear it has nothing to do with my current situation.
i was watching camprock today.
then i decided to listen to demi lovato.

and thats the only song i liked (:

i dont feel like blogging actually.
but since i was trying to update my songs,
i decided to just write one post.
i added three new songs.
and they are awesome songs (:
enjoy (:

toodles

2008-12-24T05:15:00.000-08:00

Beautiful eyes,
Beautiful lies.

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you,
PMS
Like a bitch
I would know
And you always think
Always speak
Crypticly
I should know
That you're no good for me
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You,
You don't really want to stay, no
You, but you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now your plain boring
I should know that you're not gonna change
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You,
You don't really want to stay, no
You, but you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You, you don't really want to stay, no
You, but you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

HOT N COLD by KATY PERRY

damn it.
im sick of everything.
and no one's going to force me to eat.
not that i dont want to,
but i cant.

im really glad my cousin was here today.
to make me laugh.
and tell me funny things.
he listened while i ranted out on alot of nonsense.
and im grateful for that.

i need chocolate.

and i was thinking about why anyone should even like me.
like,
im not very nice.
maybe only to some people. but i guess im rather mean towards the rest.
sheesh ): unintentional!
i say alot of stupid things too.
stupid things that anger and piss people off when i totally didnt intend for that to happen.
im ugly.
i dont have a sense of humour and im probably brainless.

DO YOU EVEN CARE FOR ME?

do people even care for me?

i ask myself that,
over and over again.
until i become emo.
and everything i feel alright again,
i think of those stuff again.

listen hard,
MEL DOES NOT WANT TO BE EMO.
but her current fucking situation is turning into a fucking freakshow.
and im so sorry im using so many vulgarities.
but im really really fucking pissed.

with myself.

im not angry at anyone.
i dont blame anyone.
i just know,
im inferior.
i feel uncared for.

i know some people do care.
but of course,
they care for themselves first.

MEL IS ALWAYS ON THE LAST OF THE LIST.

like right now,
if i was being cared for,
people would be calling me to go down to eat more
cos i only had two fucking mini sausages for dinner.
and thats cos my fucking hatred for myself has caused me to lose my appetite.

I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE MYSELF.

then people say,
if you dont love yourself,
people wont love you.

yeah,
maybe thats why the whole world fucking hates me.
thats why im always down on luck.
thats why i dont have anyone to talk RIGHT NOW.
im sick of all these shit.

you steal my heart.
then tear it into half and throw one half at me.
thats what i feel.
i feel like im left hanging with no answer.
the feeling i had last time.
a feeling i really hate.

why do people like to torture me so much.
am i really that fun to hate?

ahh,
im not going to commit suicide.
commiting suicide is dumb.
im not going to cut myself,
like in my foolish past.
im not going to do stupid things.

i've got beer in the fridge and few bottles of wine.
maybe its time to just get drunk.
and stop thinking for the next few days.

BUT I CANT.

goddamn it!
what the fuck is wrong with me.
im so irritated im typing so fast and loudly.
my stupid keyboard is going to spoil.

AND I SWEAR ITS NOT PMS.
pms doesnt make me feel like this.
PMS dont make people hate themselves.

and for fuck's sake,
i repeat to myself constantly.
its christmas,
soon.

do i like christmas?
yes.
then why the fuck am i feeling so screwed up.

i swear,
its nobody's fault.

its all mine.

i hate myself.
and i always will.

this is the fucking third post of the day.
and i dont give a fuck what you think about them.
call me stupid or crazy or emo.
i dont care.
im just tired of living.
each day is a pain.

its my fault.
all my fault.

i blame no one else but myself.

and its time to stuff myself with junk.
junk = rubbish = mel.
heh,
see the link?
im full of rubbish.

I HATE MYSELF

2008-12-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

Last christmas i gave you my heart,
But the very next day you gave it away

I close the door
Like so many times, so many times before
Filmed like a scene on the cutting room floor
I wanna let you walk away tonight
Without a word
I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling, ohh
If you were here right now, I swear
I'd tell you this
Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside is killing me
'Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
I climb the walls, yeah
I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no
I memorized the number
So why can't I make the call?
Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility
Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside is killing me
Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
No no no
I don't wanna be like this
I just wanna let you know
Everything that I hold in
Is everything I can't let go
Can't let go, yeah
Cause baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside is killing me
Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
I wish that that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
Don't you know it baby
I don't wanna waste another day
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, oh
I'm inconsolable, woah yeah
I'm inconlsolable, yeah

INCONSOLABLE by BACKSTREET BOYS

this post is for you.
and,
this song that describes how i feel now.

when you leave,
im inconsolable.

i guess i should've been more understanding.
i did a stupid thing.

and i know its retarded to blog about all these.
but my blog is really my only avenue of venting.
cos when im feeling this emo,
i cant talk to anyone.
i'll probably just piss them off.
and maybe i just did piss you off.

i woke up today,
waiting for a text.
you said you'd text me.
but i didnt receive anything.

so i texted you.

and i was feeling nervous.
cos i wondered what kind of reply you would give.
i was feeling really guilty about venting on you last night.
well, i lost a friend.
and i asked you a stupid question.
i already apologised.

i should have been more understanding.

give me a chance.
i love you.

2008-12-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

The type of guy who doesn't see
What he has until she leaves
Don't let me go
Cause without me you know you're lost
Wise up now or pay the cost
Soon you will know

Today is the day
The worst day of my life
You're so content it hurts me
I don't know why
The cost of misery
Is at an all time high
I keep it hidden
Close to the surface in sight
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
You said you don't see
I don't want to know that you know,
it should have been me
Could you be with him?
Or was it just a lie?
He doesn't catch you like I do
And you don't know why
You change your clothes and your hair
But I can't change your mind
Oh, I'm uninvited
So unrequited now
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
You said you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Words screaming in my head
Why did you leave?
And I can't stop dreaming
Watching you and him
When it should have been
It should have been me
Today is the day
The worst day of my life
I'm learning to fall
I can't hardly breathe
When I'm going down don't worry about me
Don't try this at home
You said you don't see
I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me
Whoa
(I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa
(Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me
Whoa
(I'm learning to fall, I can't hardly breathe)
(I don't want to know that you know, it should have been me)
Tell me that you know, it should have been me
Whoa
(Don't try this at home, You said you don't see)
I don't want to know that you know, it should've been me

LEARNING TO FALL by BOYS LIKE GIRLS

i should start a band called GIRLS LIKE GIRLS.

i should like girls.
i should turn into a lesbian.
steer clear of all guys.

maybe i should just lock myself up in my room and just suffocate myself with a pillow.
an easy death.
peaceful.

okay.
why the fuck am i talking about dying.
for fuck's sake,
its christmas eve!

anyway,
i miss school.
SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL.

and holidays really suck.
IT SUCKS.

or maybe my life just sucks.
my luck is bad.
everything that happens to me always has an evil.

i havent been an evil person.
i havent done much evil.
so why is all these bad luck falling on me.

HOLIDAYS SUCK.
why do people always have to go overseas?
why must i go overseas?

its always like this,
its like a cycle.
everytime i hang out with an amazing guy and have an amazingly great time,
the next day someone leaves for overseas.
and when both parties are back in singapore,
everything goes downhill.
its happened so many times.
and now its happened again.

DE JA VU.
its just like a de ja vu.
just that each time its someone different.

and i dont wanna lose a friend again.

heh,
anyway.
i was thinking about the word FALL.
i wanted to copy and paste the dictionary meaning.
but go check it out on your own.

actually,
the word fall doesnt mean much.
but the verb phrases are the most interesting.

FALL UPON- to chance upon, come upon
eg. i fell upon an amazing chance but i screwed up.

FALL FOR- to fall in love with; to fall for a trick
eg. i fell for this amazing dude.

FALL OUT- to quarrel or disagree
eg. i fell out with someone cos I WAS STUPID.

FALL DOWN- falling downwards, tripping, stumbling upon an obstacle.
eg. everything was going smoothly until i fell down on a huge mistake i made.

FALL BACK- give way, retreat
eg. please fall back into my life again

ITS CHRISTMAS TOMORROW.
and i miss my friends who are flying off today.
AHMA! i wish you were here to cheer me up like you did last night.... ):
hope you have fun in australia (:

WHITNEY! so clever! you managed to find my blog! hehheh, think i dunno ah....
you saw on my facebook right! (:

my blog posts are always so long....

TOODLES

i'll be all you need and more

i'm still walking after you

2008-12-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

Intoxicate me
I’m a lush
Stop you’re making me blush

I don’t think you know
I’m checking you
So hot, so hot
Wonder if you know
You're on my radar

Interesting sense of style
Ten million dollar smile
Think I can handle that

Alright, that's it, I've had enough, I'm on my way to you
It's nauseating and I'm sick of waiting
for all these pointless calls to go through
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Constantly you're working through the mileage in my head
Oh, I'm calculating, yes I'm sick of waiting
How many hours until I reach your bed?
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
My faith in you could move these mountains I am driving through
It's times like these when I wish I could teleport to you
'cause then we wouldn't have an issue
We're cleverly, strategically
challenging our fright and insecurities,
and never seem to want to leave
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Yeah, we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything

TELEPORT A & B by THE SPILL CANVAS

today,
there are actually two songs stuck in my head.

because im filled with two emotions today.
HAPPY and SAD.

two common emotions.
but i guess,
sometimes they really make you think.
think about life.

okay,
this is SO not going to be an emo post.

hmm,
i shall begin with the sad.

sometimes in life,
you make friends.
friends that you wanna keep.
but sometimes,
things get complicated.
more feelings are involved.
then you lose your friend.
and what if you like your friend?
as in really like,
but as a friend.
its damn heart pain right?
sheesh,
i guess i lost a friend today.
and im feeling quite unhappy about it.

i apologise profusely to that friend,
whom i've probably hurt.
im really sorry that things turned out this way.

not to forget,
feel people who are important to me are going overseas.
so im stuck in singapore.
alone and bored.
but its alright,
life will go on.
i'll try not to emo in loneliness.
*shrugs*

In muddy grass we stand side by side
with our knuckles interlocked
Black dresses flood the cemetery
in this cliche tragedy
Just do as you're instructed and....
Take this razor and cut your palms
I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow
Now drip your ruby red over the casket
A funeral for my once loved youth
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance
tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
tell me would you die for me too?
The quivering liquids in your stomach
will eat away at the bad habits that have made you
a real character in the story of your now distant life
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly
In gentle greens we stand side by side
with your head buried in my chest
Black veils send me shivering
The fear that part of me is dying
Just do as you're instructed and....
Take this razor and cut your palms
I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow
Now drip your ruby red over the casket
A funeral for my once loved youth
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance
tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
tell me would you die for me too?
The quivering liquids in your stomach
will eat away at the bad habits that have made you
a real character in the story of your now distant life
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly, quickly
Goodbyes are said and roses thrown
And the crowd starts to weep
But the irony of the story is when I fell to my knees
and began clawing at the dirt in front of the tombstone
of my bashful childhood
With you by my side, you're screaming at the
top of your lungs, "let it go"
And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs
"The ceremony was not proper, there was not enough people,
and who picked the music?
Those melodies almost made me physically sick"
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance
tell me what would you do?
My secret is fatally gorgeous
I'd die for you
But when your precious life is at stake
tell me would you die for me too?
The quivering liquids in your stomach
will eat away at the bad habits that have made you
a real character in the story of your now distant life
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly
Goodnight and goodbye, quickly

BLACK DRESSES by THE SPILL CANVAS

its a really emo song.
but its nice.
and im not supposed to be emo,
but i cant help.
i feel like crying.
i think im stupid.
i feel really disappointed with myself.
but i'll try to evict those thoughts ASAP

anyway,
about the happy.

now wipe away sad face.
and happy face appears.

i had a great day today.
i FINALLY watched Yes Man.
and i learnt a moral from the story.
dont say yes to everything.
but somethings i dont regret saying yes (:
those who know, good for you (:

and i owe someone 7dollars for the movie.
but thanks for making today fun (:

well,
i guess happy doesnt beat the sadness.
cos it seems like the sad section was longer than the happy section.
sheesh.

You're captivating while evading
All the questions I have for you like,
"What exactly makes you tick?"
When the guilt sets in tell me
What are we going to do?
Your tongue is wet with a top secret passion
I hope I am the cause of it
I'll navigate this unsturdy vessel
Filled with a soft sea of pillows and blankets
And I fight the urge to explore
The vastness of your curves I adore
You know I, I hate you
No, I hate you more
You know I, I love you
No, I love you more
Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you
I've sunken in the quicksands of love
And I don't want you to rescue me
Screw what my supposed friends think
It's obvious they reek of jealousy
It's obvious they reek of jealousy
And I fight the urge to explore
The vastness of your curves I adore
You know I, I hate you
No, I hate you more
You know I, I love you
No, I love you more
Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you
I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips
Yes, it's true
You've brainwashed me and now I'm more confused
I still somehow hope I end up with you
Yes, it's true
I romanticize every single thing I do
Especially when it comes to you

HIMERUS AND EROS by THE SPILL CANVAS

gee, i guess the spill canvas is quite emo eh.
ahh wells,
lets look forward to CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS!

PRESENTS.
CHOCOLATES.
PEOPLE.
MUSIC.
FOOD.
ALCOHOL.

wow, its the great christmas party tomorrow.
and im not really looking forward to it.
time needs to pass slower.
time is moving too fast.
sheesh,
when can time stop for me?

and what the fuck,
im sounding all emo again?

i was supposed to watch the little nonya on tv today,
but im totally not in the mood.
i just wanna vent all these out.

i really hate to end today like this.
someone please save me.

im sorry to the few people i've promised not to feel emo and troubled.
i cant help it.
even though i had an absolutely fun time outside today,
a single text has spoilt my mood.
completely.

alright.
enough of this bullshit.

replies to tags:
REUBEN-- badminton you need one hand to hold raquet and the other to hold shuttlecock mah.
BILLY-- i know who you are (: and after watching yes man, you should know that i cant say yes to everything (:

heh,
have fun people (:

TOODLES!

my smile still hasnt appeared ):

2008-12-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

Soft kiss and wine
What a pretty friend of mine
We’re finally intertwined
Nervous and shy
For the moment we will come
Alive
Tonight
Secret valentine

We’ll write a song
That turns out the lights
When both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside
Don’t waste your time
Speed up your breathing
Just close your eyes
We’ll hope it’s not for nothing at all

Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Sometimes I feel like everybody's got a problem
Sometimes I feel like nobody wants to solve them
I know that people say we're never gonna make it
But I know we're gonna get through this
(Close your eyes and please don't let me go)
Don't, don't, don't, don't let me go now
(Close your eyes, don't let me let you go)
Don't, don't, don't...
Take my hand tonight
Let's not think about tomorrow
Take my hand tonight
We could find some place to go
Cause our hearts are locked forever
And our love will never die
Take my hand tonight
One last time
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
The city sleeps and we're lost in the moment
Another kiss says we're lying on the pavement
If they could see us they would tell us that we're crazy
But I know they just don't understand
(Close your eyes and please don't let me go)
Don't, don't, don't, don't let me go now
(Close your eyes, don't let me let you go)
Don't, don't, don't...
Take my hand tonight
Let's not think about tomorrow
Take my hand tonight
We could find some place to go
Cause our hearts are locked forever
And our love will never die
Take my hand tonight
One last time
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
The raindrops, the tears keep falling
I see your face and it keeps me going
If I get lost your light's gonna guide me
And I know that you can take me home
You can take me home
Take my hand tonight
Let's not think about tomorrow
Take my hand tonight
We can find some place to go
Cause our hearts are locked forever
And our love will never die
Take my hand tonight
One last time
Take my hand tonight
Let's not think about tomorrow
Take my hand tonight
We could find some place to go
(find some place to go)
Cause our hearts are locked forever
And our love will never die
(love will never die)
Take my hand tonight
One last time

TAKE MY HAND by SIMPLE PLAN

today is AVRIL LAVIGNE and SIMPLE PLAN day.

i hardly left my bed at all today.
apart from meals, piano practice and a trip to the park.

and my piano playing has improved!
i spent about 20mins improving my exam pieces.
cos the goddamned exam fee costs three freaking hundred dollars.
i dont wanna waste my parents' money.
so im working towards a distinction (:
but its hard.
i'll be happy just to pass, really.

i suddenly recalled my piano dream i used to have last time.
it started when i was in primary school....
i was to take music 'O' levels,
continue music studies overseas,
and open my music school.
a school of my own.
to spread the love for music.
sounds awesome, doesnt it?
but that dream was shattered because of my school.
i got through the audition.
but my school didnt offer the course in school so i'd have to go to other schools.
and due to that inconvenience,
my parents sugggested i just dropped.
and there,
my dreams crashed.
my piano teacher was my favourite teacher.
she inspired me.
she helped me to appreciate music.
and love music.
and the nicest part of all,
shes been teaching me piano since i was in kindergarten (:
isnt that so fabulous? (:

once the music dream was over and i got over it,
i fell in love with drums.
the instrument that really lets me vent.
piano and drums go really well together (:

then,
i read this sidney sheldon book entitled 'the stars shine down'.
its my favourite book.
i went into this craze about marrying a pianist.
its crazy.
i still wanna marry a concert pianist.
but lets be realistic,
its almost impossible.
the chances are probably 0.01% only.

sheesh,
im blabbering on and on as usual....

and i still havent mastered one-hand badminton.
talking on the phone while playing badminton sure is tiring.
but im no fan of badminton anyway.
its makes me tired.
and im seriously turning into some couch potato already!
so easily tired.
(my dear ahma, if you're reading this,
dont start laughing and calling me an ahgong
"cos old people get tired easily" <-- quote by you )

simple plan is really cool (:
im still listening to them while typing this blog post now (:
highly recommended (:

im feeling happy : D
20 days to THE GREAT's birthday : D
get the presents ready (:

TOODLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS =D

2008-12-20T03:25:00.000-08:00

My body says lets go,
But my heart says no

5, 6, 7, 8
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
You are the music in...
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
You are the music in...
Are the music in...
You know the words
Once upon a time
Makes you listen?
There's a reason.
And when you dream there's a chance you'll find
A little laughter
Or happy ever after
Your harmony to the melody
That's echoing inside my head
A single voice
Above the noise
Like a common thread
Sing it to me
When I hear my favorite song I know we belong
'Cause you are the music in me
It's living in all of us
It's here because
You are the music in me
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
You are the music in
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
You are the music in...
Are the music in...
Harmony...
to melody Echoing inside...
My head
Oooo Ahhh!
When I hear my favorite song I know we belong
'Cause you are the music in me
It's living in all of us
It's here because
You are the music in me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
Na na na
You are the music in
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na
You are the music in...meeeeeeeeee
Yeah yeah
Oh, yeah.

YOU ARE THE MUSIC IN ME by CAST OF HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

you must be thinking,
what the heck?
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL?
when the hell did mel turn into a HSM enthusiast?

fuck those thoughts.
i only like some songs.
only some.

today i had a fun day.
even though i woke up soooo early ):
gee, i slept late last night and didnt sleep well.
but its nobody's fault, except mine (:
hmm, nicest thing was....
i got complimented by my aunt!
"long hair and pretty"
I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EARS.

seriously,
OMG.
its like really rare to be complimented.
for me.

nowadays everyone stingy with compliments.
i only compliment myself as 'nice'
thats all (:

MEL IS NICE.
just remember that.

and from now on,
i'll be YES MAN.

maybe not a MAN.
but i will say yes to everything.

except sex.

okay,
i really dont know what to say today.
and i've been talking crap the whole time.

toodles (:

2008-12-19T04:42:00.000-08:00

So I might try to leave it all behind.
I know tomorrow's not so bright now.
I'll say goodbye 'cause nothing good can last.
You wear and fade; you're nowhere fast.
But today, I don't know how to keep it all inside,
But I guess I'll let it slide.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

Some call it love I don't know what you're thinkin' of
Such a mystery to me
Somehow you always like to play undercover
It's your path to discover
Roll me like we're tumbling dice
A wrecking ball rag doll ain't no breathing space
All the tapes have been erased
Prize fighter taking all the punches he can stand
And dropping on command
All my dreams are trying to come true
But all I ever wanted was you
What don't you understand
Forget the master plan
I'd give it all away to have you back again
I said it in my letter
So we could make it better
No need for you to read between the lines
Baby can I be your baby
Definitely maybe won't do
Ruby red play dead they don't make a sound
Plastic soldiers in a row
You're shouting calling all destroyers what to do
They're coming after you
Surrender but the battle is won
She thought of cars where to drive trying to survive
How to make the great escape
Still watching live on other planets fall apart
She wears it on her heart
All my dreams are trying to come true
But all I ever wanted was you
Someday you'll see
All our worlds collide
Way out in space

MAYBE WON'T DO by AMERICAN HI-FI

LESBIAN

Les⋅bi⋅an

/ˈlɛzbiən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [lez-bee-uhn]
–adjective
1.
of or pertaining to Lesbos.
2.
(usually lowercase) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of female homosexuality.
3.
(usually lowercase) erotic; sensual.–noun
4.
an inhabitant of Lesbos.
5.
(usually lowercase) a female homosexual.

this word.
LESBIAN.

its been popping out in my speech so often,
i almost believe im lesbian.

well,
just that i went GAGAGOOGOO crazy over wentworth miller today.
you see,
i was watching prison break.
season 3. final episode.

OMG.
i adore smart guys.
with a brain like that,
the fact he doesnt have six packs has been washed out of my mind.

but then again....
kat dennings <333

sheesh,
how many times do i have to slap my forehead and remind myself
"IM NOT A LESBIAN".

im not going to turn lesbian.
cos i've never thought of making out with a girl.
okay, i lied.
there was one stage i was so obsessed with KD,
i wanted to kiss her.
but what the heck was i thinking man!
MAKING OUT WITH A GIRL?
ewwww....

i have come out of the closet.
and now i announce,
im not lesbian.
and i will never be (:

and STACEY!
we were supposed to go out watch movie today right?
mehh, im really broke.
damndamndamn ):
but still,
lets hang out sometime soon okay? (:
i have yet to return you your phone!
or are you planning to give it to me?
xD

i guess im feeling better today (:
apart from the fact,
my good friend is going overseas ):

and i would like to end my post with words of wisdom....
DONT STALK YOUR EX.
thank you very much

oh,
PS:
I LOVE YOU JORDAN
for being such a nice and great friend in everyway,
and for just talking to me when i need one. (:

2008-12-18T04:14:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth this

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

Yeah, he's a looker but I really think it's guts that matter most.
I displayed them for you.
Strung out about from coast to coast.
I am easily make believe.
Just dress me up in what you want me to be.
I'll take back what I've been saying,
For quite some time now.
I've gotta feel you in my bones again.
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again.
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
In my daydreams, in my sleep,
Infatuation turning into disease.
You could cure me, see all you have to do now is please try.
Give it your best shot and try.
All I'm asking for is love,
But you never seem to have enough.
I've gotta feel you in my bones again.
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again.
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
This life is way too short,
To get caught up in all this stuff,
When I just want you to love me back.
Why can't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?
(Why can't you, why can't you?)
Why can't you just love me back?
(Why can't you, why can't you?)
Why can't you just love me back?
(Why can't you, why can't you just love?)
I've gotta feel you in my bones again.
I'm all over you.
I'm not over you.
I wanna taste you one more time again.
(Just one more time.)
This life is way too short,
To get caught up and all mixed up,
When I just want you to love me back.
Why cant you just love me back?
Why won't you just love me back?
Why can't you just love me back?

ALL OVER YOU by THE SPILL CANVAS

are you content with your life?
NO.

do you know how to make your life better?
NO.

do you know how to make people happy?
NO.

are you happy?
NO.

when can those answers change to YES?
and goddamnit,
im not going to watch YES MAN in cinemas.

but for sure,
if you asked me,
"if you were given a chance to turn back time, would you?"
my answer is YES.

thats because
i feel 16 years of life has been screwed

have i been nice to people?
maybe yes maybe no.
I DONT KNOW.

i've been thinking about people who care for me.
i treat five of my friends as best friends.
but i think only 3 of them treat me as best friends.

they say best friends you make in primary and secondary school wont last.
well,
i dont know.
i hope they can be life-long friends.
i really hope so....

anyway,
i was thinking about my life thoroughly today.

STUDY/WORK LIFE:
i have no income.
and i so far saved up 300$ for my iPhone.
my parents promised to pay the rest.
but still,
im left with 40$ from now till end of january.

i had a dream....
last night.
not the martin luther king kind.
but a real dream.
yeah ._.
i dreamt i got b4 for english.
CHOY!

but yeah,
that kinda got me worried about my 'O' level results ):

SOCIAL LIFE:
i have friends who care.
but like i told reuben,
im 2% nice and 98% bitch (:

i dont have a right to judge or criticise people.
do i deserve care from these people?

am i really being nice to them?
or is this all a facade?

okay,
i dont consider myself a fake.
cos most of the time im brutally and tactlessly honest.
and it hurts people's feelings.
sheesh,
but im trying to improvise on that.
trust me,
i really wanna be a better person.

LOVE LIFE:
ahh....
the most complicating of all.
and goddamn it.
why cant i just turn lesbian?
sheesh,
thats a really stupid thing to say.
and definitely a stupid solution to solving love problems.

anyway,
i think it retarded to stalk an ex.
seriously.
i used to do that.
i was crazy about that guy a year ago.
and after a tragic split,
i stalked his friendster and online diary.
he was over me.
but i wasnt over him.
till maybe a year later.
sheesh,
its so goddamned retarded man.
thinking back,
why did i do that?
its a waste of time.
instead of letting go,
i held on to a pathetic memory that got me nowhere.
so advice of the day:
DONT STALK YOUR EX.
its so fucking pathetic.

and the easiest word to describe my love life is also
SCREWED UP.
cos no one believes i can handle a long term relationship.
everyone thinks i play people's feelings.
maybe i do.
MAYBE.
but then again,
im not that crazy!
come on man,
breaking people's heart is never easy.
im not heartless.
i have a heart that palpitates 24/7!

wont anyone believe i really try? ):

im mentally sick.
or turning mentally sick.

im starting to say crazy things.
do crazy things.
erm, i never tried eating cockroaches or whatever.
but im just going mad.

not to forget,
friends are going overseas.
my room is an asylum
i stare at four walls everyday
and i'll go crazy.

fuck,
this post so emo.
i ought to stab myself.

we stumble upon obstacles everyday of our lives.
be it a financial crisis, health problem, or a fear of killing ants.
we should persevere and live life to the fullest.

if only i had the will....

so much for my happy ending

2008-12-17T04:31:00.001-08:00

WON'T YOU JUST NOTICE ME?

I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon' put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece of me...
I’m Miss bad media karma
Another day another drama
Guess I can’t see the harm
In working and being a mama
And with a kid on my arm
I’m still an exceptional earner
And you want a piece of me
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. ‘You want a piece of me?’
Tryin’ and pissin’ me off
Well get in line with the paparazzi
Who’s flippin’ me off
Hopin’ I’ll resort to some havoc
End up settlin’ in court
Now are you sure you want a piece of me?
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. ‘Most likely to get on the TV for slippin' on the streets’
When getting the groceries, now for real..
Are you kidding me?
No wonder there's panic in the industry
I mean please, do you want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17
Don’t matter if I step on the scene
Or sneak away to the Philippines
They still gon' put pictures of my derrière in the magazine
You want a piece of me?
You want a piece, piece of me...
You want a piece of me?
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Oh my God that Britney’s Shameless
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! this just in
(You want a piece of me)
I’m Mrs. she’s too big now she’s too thin
You want a piece of me
Piece of me, me, me...
You want a piece of me
Me

PIECE OF ME by BRITNEY SPEARS

the BRITNEY craze.
OMG.

i feel like dying.
i dont know why.
and i feel like crying too.

damn,
this uncertainty in me is killing me ):

and i know,
i sound retarded typing this kinda posts everyday.
but hey,
blogs are meant for venting, arent they?

sheesh,
i feel like slapping myself and tearing myself apart.

what have i done?
what am i doing?

DAMNDAMNDAMN.

its like,
for a sudden,
i cant control my emotions.

i dont know what im feeling towards each and every person.
one moment i might dislike you,
but the next,
i might suddenly like you again.
as in,
not that like like way.
but as friends.
and please note,
names are not stated here.
DO NOT JUST PRESUME.

OMG.
i miss you.
and im waiting for you to come back.

and like what Reuben said,
ME BEING LESBIAN WOULD SOLVE ALL MY PROBLEMS.

and damn,
im a lesbian.
or turning into one.
soon.
SOON.

sheesh,
KAT DENNINGS.

okay,
im so not lesbian okay.
DAMN.

never mind.
i shall divert my attention to today.

sheesh,
i had a fun time waking up.
cos i was tired.
and my mummy was watching the 'the mist'
which was so awesomely exciting.
cos i was like,
totally awoken by those stupid screaming.
and im not that afraid of violence and gore now.
but i bet Ian will still wanna torture me with the horror shows

okay,
so after i woke up.
i went to wash my face and brush my teeth.
then i sent a text to my good friend before walking down the stairs.
to take a pair of shorts i was supposed to iron tomorrow.
but im too lazy.
typical me eh.
and when i came up,
an ahma called me.
my phone was ringing.
and my crazy ringtone was playing.
sheesh.
i had problem hearing what he was saying on his side.
cos ahmas have speech problems?
(OMG. DONT KILL ME)
erm, just kidding.

then i walked out of the house,
took bus 163 and reached compasspoint.
then i met Ian.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
and i was the first to wish him happy brithday for next year too.

we took a bus to ikea.
and had swedish meatballs.
all on me.
cos im giving birthday boy a treat.
and now im so broke ):

HAHA,
but its okay.
giving is fun.
and its so nice of me too!
DUH.

then after that,
we went tampines mall to walk around before heading for plaza sing.
where we went to watch movie with Reuben.
Beast Stalker.
i had no idea what it was about.

till i watched it.

it was not bad.
not horror.
but alot of suspense scenes.
the only thing i hated was the dubbing.
i think i was supposed to be in cantonese or something.
cos all the actors were cantonese.
im cantonese girl (:

after that,
i asked for curfew extension.
and went to play pool with them.
its so fun playing with them.
i always have fun when i hang out with them.

so after an hour,
we head home.
and i had fun.
cos we were like talking about random stuff on the mrt.
and i really liked that.

hmm,
i guess im someone who really treasures friends.
cos i wouldnt give up hanging out with friends.
unless my parents dont let me go out or something ):

i love both of them.
as good friends larh.
and i'll die if they stop being friends with me one day!

im not looking forward to tomorrow.
i dont know why.
i just wanna sleep all day.
i hope time stops.
at 2359.
and tomorrow never comes.

but i had a really nice day today.
THANK YOU REUBEN AND IAN (: